Comedy

Who Is America’s Sexiest Monster?

1250894511_sexiest-monster.jpg

As part of our ongoing mission to understand the hearts and minds of America, we took a nationwide poll to determine which of the above monsters citizens found the most sexually attractive. Respondents were instructed to choose one of the above (Dracula, Frankenstein, the Blob, the Wolfman, the Mummy and the Creature from the Black Lagoon) from a list and provide a brief justification for their desire. The results are… not surprising.

Dracula, unsurprisingly, ran away with this one, what with Twilight and such crap convincing people that all vampires look like Robert Pattinson. Over three-quarters of respondents picked the vamp, with justifications like:

“Dracula of course, there is nothing sexier than a supernaturally powerful male who is in utter control.”

“Vampires lead an attractive nightlife and much more. That’s why there are so many films and tv shows with sexy vampires.”

“With much more resemblance to human face it looks sexually attractive and also the reaction in the face.”

“Dracula is definately the most sexually attractive. I think because he is the most human like. He is a little bit different but you don’t know he is a monster until he want to suck your blood!”

“He looks rich.”

That lovable lug Frankenstein’s Monster came in a distant second. Lovers of the beast cobbled together from corpse parts said:

“Frankenstein is big and strong he but has the qualities in his personality of being protective,caring, and sensitive which makes him attractive.”

“My husband is a big man, with a wide forehead like Frankenstein. Even when I first realized the resemblance, I was still attracted to him.”

“Frankenstein is looking very smart looking. He have smartness.”

A surprising third-place finish went to The Blob:

“Sexual attractiveness is a matter of opinion which is entirely subjective. In the subjective opinion of this writer, the most attractive entities are the least human-looking.”

“With the blob there is always hope that one can shape it into something that turns you on.”

Amazingly enough, only one person in all of America chose The Creature From The Black Lagoon as the sexiest monster. Their reason?

“Because unexpected behaviour.”

And, really, what’s sexier than that?

Check out more Heavy surveys here.

Respond To This

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

More Comedy you need to know

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 579 other followers