Comedy

TOP 10 CLUES YOU’VE ACTUALLY BEEN KIDNAPPED (AND YOU’RE NOT ON A REALITY SHOW)

Reality Show KidnappedYou may have heard recently that police in Turkey were called to “rescue” 9 women from a reality show house. There is some debate whether the women just wanted to break their contract or whether they were actually being imprisoned. To help avoid these sorts of SNAFUs we’ve whipped up a handy dandy Top 10 that you can print out and stick in your wallet so you can pull it out if you’re ever faced with this sort of situation.

10) Duct tape, the bars on the windows, restraints.

9) The car that drives you from challenge to challenge is a white van with tinted windows and a ladder on the back.

8) The host always has a ski mask on.

7) You’re in Turkey (slash Mexico City slash Columbia).

6) You’re pretty sure you found a partially crushed ecstasy pill in your cereal…ooh Captain Crunch is so pretty!

5) The only camera brand you ever see is “Nokia.”

4) The producer keeps talking about “lotions” and “baskets.”

3) Christina Ricci is chained to a radiator in one corner.

2) Every single competition seems to be “make as many Miley Cyrus toothbrushes as you can,” contestants work in 14 hour shifts.

1) No one survives.

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