Wikipedia’s Greatest Fails

Wikipedia's Greatest FailsOh, Wikipedia – it’s like a Venus flytrap for the most heavily autistic people on the Internet, beaching themselves like whales so we can cut them open and harvest their precious aspergris. Every once in a while, you’ll come across an article that has been written or edited by a very special person with very special needs, and when I do I clip & save them for future yuks. Now I’m going to share some of my favorites with you.

Kurt von Schleicher

When on 30 June 1934 the Night of the Long Knives occurred, Schleicher was one of the chief victims. While in his house, he was gunned down; hearing the shots, his wife came into the room, soon sharing the same fate. His stepdaughter was the one who found the bodies. She came down the stairs in her towel after taking a shower. In her horror, she dropped the towel, revealing her naked young body.

Oh, come on, you couldn’t write naked hot young body? Give me something to work with here, my job blocked everything but Wikipedia and I need to rub one out.

Evil Laugh

An evil laugh is often entertaining for friends because each one may be unique.

I’ll bet you $600 that the dude who wrote that wears a trenchcoat and a fedora hat everywhere, even the bathroom. Especially the bathroom.

Harry Knowles

At age seventeen, Knowles moved back in with his father. His mother died shortly thereafter in a fire.

They’re going to adapt this into the weirdest SVU episode ever.

Milk Crate

Popular colors of the common milk crate include black, green, gray, and blue.<> [citation needed] Black milk crates are by far the most attractive and hence difficult to locate in urban alleyways.[citation needed] Dairies have deliberately reduced the production of the black milk crates in an attempt to reduce theft.[citation needed]

Yeah, you’d better get some citations for that incredibly important milk crate color information. Listen – if you’re making furniture out of milk crates, you’re too poor to color-coordinate. You’re a step up from living in a refrigerator box. Take what you can get and stop editing Wikipedia, you bum.

Pantera

Pantera also composed the fight song for the Dallas Stars. The song (which is played at the beginning of each period) features a simple guitar riff, followed by a chorus consisting of two drum beats, the word “Dallas” shouted, one more beat, and the word “Stars” shouted; the pattern is repeated twice. The chorus is performed three times, with a final drum beat and the word “Yeah” shouted at the end.

This is not nearly enough information about the Dallas Stars fight song. What kind of encyclopedia do you think you’re running here? Can you maybe draw out an ASCII waveform graph or something.

Vaginal Flatulence

So-called “queefing” can be considered erotic, and is a pornographic sub-theme. For example, a movie with Amber Rose features the act of “queefing”.

A movie? You can’t leave me hanging like that. WHICH ONE??!?!?!?!?!?

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