Mother Nature – what a bitch. For our animal friends who don’t have the convenience of Quiznos and pizza delivery in World of Warcraft, every moment is a continuing battle for the right to eat, hump, and sleep through the night. But the thing about animals fighting is that it looks really cool. In this article, 20 of the most owning animal battles we’ve ever seen.
Even the noble grizzly bear can’t resist a nut shot when it’s offered to him.
This cat has some serious ambition – if he manages to pull this one off, I’d like to think he’ll use that bird like a hang-glider and take out the one in front, too.
Look at these freaking gorillas, man – they’re so into this fight! You can just imagine that like a second after this photo was taken, these two majestic beasts smashed together in an epic collision that devastated the surrounding countryside.
The only way this zebra is going to pull out a win is if he busts out some serious grass-fed fartage in that lion’s face. A secret and deadly technique.
Stag beetle fights are super awesome – it’s like two mini Iron Men going at it, minus the alcohol problems.
These lemurs are too evenly matched in kung fu technique – their combat could go on forever, until the last ember of heat expires from the core of the sun. Or until they break for snacks.
That fox was enjoying an old-school McRib, all frosty-like, when the bird flew up on him and was like “FOODJACKED! Bitch!” Then he dropped him down a well.
Look at this brutal elephant bodycheck. Dig the strands of drool oozing out of his mouth. That’s some Mike Tyson power there.
Horse fights are brutal and hilarious all at once – it’s just silly that such a majestic beast gets up on all twos and bitch-slaps like an 8th grader when it’s pissed.
When dogs own cats, it’s kind of scary. When cats own dogs, especially with roundhouse kicks, it’s hilarious.
I’m sure this was set up, but these lobsters do genuinely hate each other. What you don’t see is the floor slowly filling up with boiling hot butter.
Everybody thinks hippopotamuses are just big fat jolly swimming chumps, but really they have some of the worst tempers in the animal kingdom. These guys are fighting because they can’t agree on the best Dave Matthews Band song.
This is sort of a one-sided battle, but I’d encourage this frog not to give up – you could maybe kick the snake in the uvula. Do snakes have uvulas? I’m not going to Wikipedia that.
Tigers have some of the most stylish fights in the animal kingdom. These guys are like eleventh degree Wing Chun black belts.
Epic high-definition chipmunk beatdown here. He got kicked to the curb like the proverbial bitch.
Another land vs. air combat here – this one seeing the bird not take full advantage of his wings, choosing instead to paste the fox in the fat face with a clawed talon.
This poor dog is getting owned so hard. Look at his face. It’s like the whole cruel unfairness of the world just came into sharp focus and bit him on the arm.
Hey, man! Don’t get blood on the fur!
Sweet lion brawl here – either that, or they’re doing the Milli Vanilli chest bump. I really hope they’re not, that would make lions, as a concept, way less cool.
This may be the most epic animal battle shot of all time. Look at that picturesque background! The look on the dog’s face! The intense motion blur on the cat’s arm! If this were the opening shot of a movie, it would be the greatest movie ever made.