Comedy

Jan Brewer vs. Debates

Jan Brewer

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, the charming lady behind the revolutionary “You a Mexican? Get the hell out,” policy that has made headlines across the country, has now added debates to her hit list.  Indeed, during her first debate in her race for reelection, she stumbled over her opening remarks and seemed to lose her train of thought.  It was an odd moment, and she has since refused to take part in any further debates, presumably because they somehow take away jobs or are brown or behead people.  Why can’t you debates just leave good hard working Americans alone?

Jan Brewer is only human, and therefore we shouldn’t attack her for struggling so much during something so unfair and anti-American as a debate.  No, instead we should seek to understand just what caused her to flake out on such a grand stage.  Sure, the pressure of the debate itself must have been immense, but she’s also the governor of a state, which if you read the news or, hell, even listen to her or any of her supporters, is currently in the middle of a giant race war.  That will cause the mind to wander a bit.

If anything, we should be tailoring the debates towards good, honest Americans like her.  She deserves to feel comfortable in her own country.  Therefore, she should be allowed to wear whatever she wants.  If she feels more comfortable in her pajamas, or say some, uh, white robes and a fashionable white hood, then hey, why not?  And if she wants to hold the interview in a comfortable familiar place, like her living room or maybe, I don’t know, some random lawn next to a burning cross, then I say we let her.

Of course, who has time for such measly things as debates or democracy when there are white people heads to pick up off of the street?  After all, from what I understand, there are just bands of crazed Mexicans wandering the streets, feral and without ration or mercy, savagely hacking the heads off of any poor white person unlucky enough to cross their savage path.  Jan Brewer doesn’t have time for your elections, people of Arizona, with that kind of crap going on.

We should be celebrating Brewer for even having the guts to take part in a debate in the first place.  I mean, it’s no wonder she blanked out, since the whole time she was talking she knew, better than anybody, that there were just hordes of Mexicans staggering through the streets like zombies, and she probably worried that it was only a matter of time before they starting beating on the doors of the building that housed the debate.  I mean, that’s a lot of stress.

There are those who will say that Jan Brewer is a fascist and a racist and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about democracy.  We won’t say that because we know what she’s really dealing with out there in the desert.  I mean, for God’s sake, she’s had to consult with George Romero to figure out how to deal with this Mexican problem.  Whatever you do, don’t let them bite you!

That poor lady.  First she has to deal with those swarming Mexicans and now she has to deal with those Godless, heathen liberals trying to destroy her via talking.  My God!  What will those gutless Commies think of next?  They know that Jan Brewer is not a woman of words or of thoughts.  She is a woman of action.  All she knows is that if you see a Mexican or really, anyone who even has a deep tan, walking the streets you reach for your lynchin’ rope.  That’s a woman of conviction, right there.

You may wish to debate Jan Brewer, and sure you may make her look foolish because she doesn’t understand any of the “issues” and you may make her cry a little bit because she doesn’t know how to read,  but you are really just weakening Arizona and with it America, because no one is handier with a shotgun and a hatchet and has a heart full of hate like Jan Brewer.  You may win the war of words, but all of Arizona will know the real winner when they see her running the length of the Mexican border, covered in blood, the pelts of dozens of savage Mexicans in her hands, and a necklace of their ears wrapped around her swanlike neck.

Jan Brewer is not a racist.  No.  Not at all.  It just seems like she really, really hates people who aren’t white.  And debates.  This is because she is a freedom fighter, a true American, and quite possibly insane.  Oh, and maybe just a little evil.  But not racist.  No.

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