The Heavy Awesomest Guide To Oktoberfest: Legs, Kegs and Dirndls

Oktoberfest is a 16-day festival celebrating beer. It’s held annually in Munich, Germany and to Germans it’s not called Oktoberfest; they refer to the beer orgy as “die Wiesn”. Well, I can assure you we’re gonna see some people who enjoyed Oktoberfest a little too much die Wiesn in this Awesomest Guide. But let’s get to the weird stuff first shall we?

[BoxTitle]Oktoberfest: Toilets and Trash[/BoxTitle]

Each year nearly 1,000 tons of trash is generated from the 16-day festival. One of the highest costs the festival incurs is waste removal, which is paid for in part by the city of Munich as well as sponsors. During Oktoberfest 2004 the lines to use the porta-pottys were so long that police had to be called in to direct traffic and keep the bathroom lines orderly. It was so bad that men who simply needed to piss were directed to a closed off area that had a giant sewage grate. There are currently about 1,800 porta-pottys on hand during Oktoberfest.

[BoxTitle]Rise of the Oktoberfest Beer Corpses[/BoxTitle]

In Oktoberfest there’s the perennial problem of young guns who overestimate their drinking abilities and pass out. The Germans have a simple name for these simpletons: “Bierleichen” which translates to “Beer Corpse”. Awesome.

[BoxTitle]Oktoberfest Has Rides and Amusements[/BoxTitle]

In case you REALLY feel like puking, after downing your DAS BOOT you can go on a Tilt-A-Whirl and then hurl-a-whirl your booze. Sometimes you have to make room for round two!

[BoxTitle]Girls Wearing Dirndls[/BoxTitle]

It might be hard to pronounce and look really weird written out, but Dirndls are a man’s best friend. Sorry Sparky. Girls love dressing up and Oktoberfest is like the pre-game to Halloween where every girl dresses up in the same costume. Dirndls are a traditional peasant garb that has been retrofitted for supreme boner-induction. Cleavage everywhere, boobs pushed to their highest heights, and skirts shortened. Beer wenches man, they just GET me you know?

[BoxTitle]Give Me Your Biggest Beer![/BoxTitle]
During Oktoberfest, it’s go big or go home.

[BoxTitle]During Oktoberfest Your Weird Facial Hair Actually Kinda Works[/BoxTitle]

Finally a place where people will appreciate your charming muttonchops!

[BoxTitle]Oktoberfest Doesn’t Start Until The Mayor Says So![/BoxTitle]

In a time that has such sobering world politics, this is a tradition I can really drink to. Each Oktoberfest doesn’t officially start and no beer can be served until the Mayor of Munich taps the keg and serves the Prime Minister a beer. I’d vote for that!

[BoxTitle]Oktoberfest Is A Festival Dedicated To Beer![/BoxTitle]
Rounding off this Awesomest Guide To Oktoberfest is the reiteration that Oktoberfest is a festival dedicate to the wonder and glory of beer! Do you need anymore of a reason to celebrate?!

Lastly, a Redditor from Munich was walking to work after the opening day of Oktoberfest and this was what he came across. Germans don’t mess around. Let’s have a moment of silence for all these Bierleichens. Pour some out for the homies.
[BoxTitle]There’s Going To Be A Lot Of People Calling In Sick[/BoxTitle]


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