Comedy

Japan’s No-Sex Cuddle Cafe Will Give You Blue Balls For $80

Japan is now offering sexually frustrated men and rejects of human society a cheap way to get the human touch they so desperately desire. For around $60 an hour they’ll provide you with a girl who will cuddle you. No sex, no kissing, nada. Maybe if you’re lucky your elbow will brush against her boob.

cuddle cafe japan

Located in Tokyo’s Akihabara district, Soineya Cafe opened last week and provides personal cuddlers for its guests at rates as cheap as 3000 yen ($40) for a 20-minute spooning session. Plunk down 50,000 yen ($645) and you can get a full 10-hour session with your pay-for-play friend-zone experience. That’s a lot of cuddling and sure to be one hell of a blue balls experience.

Soineya (which literally translates as “sleep together shop) doesn’t just offer cuddle sessions. Oh no, they’ve got so much disappointment to offer. Just check out the menu of enticing no-sex options:

Customer sleeps in girl’s arm (3 min) – 1000 yen ($13)
Girl pats customer on the back (3 min) – 1000 yen ($13)
Customer pets girl on the head (3 min) – 1000 yen ($13)
Customer and girl stare at each other (1 min) – 1000 yen ($13)
Girl changes clothes (1 time) – 1000 yen ($13)
Girl gives customer foot massage (3 min) – 1000 yen ($13)
Customer gives girl foot massage (3 min) – 2000 yen ($26)
Customer sleeps with head on girl’s lap (3 min) – 1000 yen ($13)
Girl sleeps with head on customer’s lap (3 min) – 2000 yen ($26)

No word yet if talking about your feelings or questions like “What are you thinking right now?” are part of the experience. This sort of thing is perfect though for the creepy businessman who wants to cheat on his wife, but doesn’t really want to cheat on his wife.

It’s a sad day when friend-zone prostitution becomes a reality, but this really shouldn’t come as a surprise. This is Japan we’re talking about here — panty vending machines and mirror demons are a part of the culture, so why not cuddle cafes?

Somewhere in anytown USA, there’s a friend-zoned 17-year-old who’s getting those cuddle sessions for free and laughing at the Japanese losers paying for it.

Via Oddity Central

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