Comedy

R.I.P. Twinkies, Yellow Snack Cakes Go Extinct

Tis a sad day for snack food enthusiasts everywhere. Hostess is closing its doors and the Twinkie will be no more.

Yes, after years of producing Twinkies and other chemically created snake cakes, the Irving, Texas company has said that it will no longer continue to produce its delicious snacks. A nationwide worker strike crippled the snack cake production and ultimately put the final nail in the morbidly obese coffin.

Let us take a moment to reflect on this beloved snack cake. You were a great food, Twinkie. With your soft spongy yellow cake shell and creamy white center, you offered a sugary relief that was readily available at only the finest of gas stations.

The world seems like an empty place without you. And you left at the most inconvenient of times, just when weed became legal in Colorado and Washington. Such is life though, and it would be selfish for this world to try and hold onto you after your time has passed. There will be others who try to take your place, but we know, we all know, there can be only one cream filled sponge cake and you, Twinkie, were the real deal.

bacon twinkie

The Bacon Twinkie — a beast so powerful most men didn’t live past the third bite.


fried twinkie

The Deep Fried Twinkie — a state fair fan favorite and the leading cause of diabetes in seven states.


twinkiehenge

Twinkie-henge — believed to have been constructed by a group of Encino, California, stoners in the late 1980s, its purpose remains unknown but rumor has it that a Blockbuster employee by the nickname of Skeeze developed the idea.


chocolate twinkies

The Chocolate Covered Twinkie — a sensual treat that has been known to make a woman orgasm upon a single bite.

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