Chanukah is better than Christmas. This isn’t news, everyone knows it. Chanukah is longer, doesn’t involve a mandatory visit to the family AND you get to play with fire. A trifecta of Jewish holiday perfection.
One thing that I love about Chanukah is how it isn’t all up in your face like Christmas. You ever turn a radio on between Thanksgiving and Christmas? It’s like Santa farted in your ears and then Rudolph knee’d you in the junk. On top of that you can’t go outside without being assaulted by flamboyant blowup Rudolph decorations and candy canes. You ever try to eat a full candy cane? It’s impossible! America has a problem with over-consumption, I say we fix the problem starting with candy canes. Oh! On that second note about over-consumption and Christmas! What is the deal with eggnog?! One cup of that goop can feed an African village for a year yet you guys fill it up with alcohol to rock a buzz while you sing off-tune karaoke on your Nintendo WiiU! Every time you take a swig of eggnog you are basically slapping a starving African child in the face.
That is what makes Chanukah so awesome. It isn’t in your face as much as it is more of a nice holiday reminder. It’s subtle and very non-threatening, the exact opposite of Christmas. This is probably why even the most “glitzy” Chanukah stuff still comes off as badass. Want proof? Read below!
Here are our picks for the top 15 most Awesome Chanukah Menorahs:
You probably shouldn’t show this one to your Rabbi…
Jews + Free Time = Elaborate structures made out of Coke boxes.
Once you get a hold of THIS Menorah you won’t be able to LEGO. (I will humbly accept my Emmy award for best joke ever made).
This Menorah is really packing some heat… and I’m not just talking about the candles! (I will take my second Emmy award please.)
For the Jew who wants to celebrate Chanukah but also wants to celebrate alcoholism.
Light this Star Trek themed menorah and then dance the U’HORA! (That joke was for all you Star Trek fans out there.)
I Mustache you a question. Did you light your MANorah today?
Menorah/Blast from the past.
It’s Chanukah time! You better Redneckenize!
Light the Chanukah Menorah you shall.
Sushi Menorah? That sounds kinda fishy! (I’ll take that third Emmy award now please.)
Vodka Menorah! In Soviet Russia Chanukah Menorah lights you!
No joke needed.
And finally, I present to you the Chanukah Rube Goldberg courtesy of our friends at Technion University in Israel:
Eitan Levine is a New York City based comic. Follow him on Twitter at @Eitanthegoalie .