Heavy’s Guide to the Best Celebrity Tumblrs

It’s a big scary jungle out there in the world of Tumblr. Celebrities have flocked to it for promotional opportunities, but finding the good stuff is like tracking the elusive chupacabra without a local tribesman, it just aint gonna happen. Not to worry though, Heavy has traversed the region well over and paved a sweet little trail to the Best Celebrity Tumblr accounts.

John Mayer

john Mayer tumblr

That’s so beautiful…sniffle. Also you didn’t address the question, douche.

Is there a greater enigma of our times than John Mayer? It’s hard to deny his talent, yet his ability to produce awful music tends to obscure it, not to mention the stupid s@#t he says on a regular basis. His account doesn’t quite stumble into the ego frenzy many celebrity tumblrs do (shockingly), but if you’re interested in his occasional workout routine or half-assed response to fan questions, then this will fill the void.

Paul Scheer

Remember that comedian you thought was Rob Corddry, but was even more physically off putting? Well that was Paul Scheer, and he’s pretty damn hilarious once you get past those horrendous teeth. Along with updates concerning his roles on The League, and NTSF:SD:SUV on Adult Swim, he posts plenty of humorous pictures and videos, including ripping apart terrible movies. Have a heart and take a peek.

Anthony Bourdain

anthony bourdain tumblr

All Hail the Chef!

Look, it’s that guy on the Travel Channel. Or perhaps you didn’t hear, Mr. Bourdain doesn’t play with them anymore. When he’s not blasting his former employer, there’s plenty of news regarding his career as a chef, speaker, and all around celebrity personality. That being said, we have reservations about his blog remaining interesting without the television series.

Alicia Keys

You go girl!

This girl is on fire! Just kidding, this one takes the cake for pandering to the self help, inspire the living s@#t out of you subsect. Seriously, count how many times it says inspiration, I assure you it will inspire some nausea. If you find pictures of Alicia Keys skiing to be somehow uplifting, then by all means check it out. Also, lots of girly script and bright swirling images.

Kat Dennings

kat dennings tumblr

If you had to guess what this was made up of what would you say? Cute animals, stupid drawings, and the occasional hipster photo? Ding! Ding! Ding! For your prize you can choose between a DVD of Two Broke Girls or a half-eaten Charleston Chew. Yeah…take the Chew.

Zooey Deschanel

zooey deschanel

You thought I was kidding? Think again.

Are you in the mood for something adorable and quirky? That last sentence sums up Zooey Deschanel’s entire career, so it’s no surprise her tumblr follows suit. Enjoy her ukulele duets with Joseph Levitt-Gordon (we’ll get to him later), or instagram shots of soup cooking on the stove top. You can ignore that New Girl crap, it’s just filler.

Britney Spears

Love Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s basically just a fan page for Spears to promote her various television shows and products, but subtle tinges of melon cauli reverberate from this piece. An aging madonna fading vainly into the night with smeared make up, strained glitter tops, and increasingly large arms. Pagliacci is that you?

Lady Gaga

This puppy isn’t producing like it used to, but every so often the Lady feeds her monsters with a few snap shots of her evening wear, or whatever the hell she’s wearing these days. The best though are these jewels documenting her artistic process and journey of self realization. Nothing more refreshing than hearing an artist explain to you why they’re an artist, and what that should mean to you.

Ryan Gosling

ryan goseling, brad cooper

Leave it to Ryan Gosling to subdue his blatant narcissism, and poke a little fun at his chiseled, tommy gun rocking career. He won’t give you daily updates, or even monthly reports, but every so often he wakes up and says, “It’s time to give something back.” That’s where F#$k Yeah! Ryan Gosling comes in.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

joseph gordon-levitt

You’ve come a long way since Third Rock From the Sun Joe, and the boy has a new project going on. His tumblr serves as a forum for his production company hitRec.org, where he displays the projects and collaborations with other artists they’ve been working on. Also there’s some cutesy crap every now and again. I blame it on Zooey.

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