Comedy

The 5 Most Awesome Craigslist Apartment Listings of All Time

I think we can all agree that moving sucks. Next to parallel parking a Hummer with Russel Brand in the front seat making quippy British jokes, getting all your stuff from one place to another place is by far the most stressful thing in the world.

The worst part of moving is finding a new roommate. Sure, you might go out for coffee once with your potential new roomie to see if you guys bond but lets be honest, what can you really find out about someone over a cup of overpriced Starbucks coffee? You might leave thinking “cool! I finally found a great roommie” but chances are that a month into this rooming experiment you will be yelling something like “I CAN’T EFFING TAKE COLDPLAY ANYMORE! HOW MANY EFFING TIMES CAN SOMEONE LISTEN TO ‘VIVA LA VIDA’?!?!”

So if you are looking to move in somewhere new, we got your back. Here are the 5 most awesome apartment ads on Craigslist:

1. Awesome Music Video Posting

Jonathan Mann is a 30-year-old musician living in Brooklyn who posts a new song everyday to his Youtube account. He has over 1,490 videos including this gem where he tries to get you to move in with him. His craigslist ad gives you all the info you need.


2. This Bad-Ass is Looking to Live in San Fran-Mothatruckin-Sisco

Need a roommate? How about this guy:

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I’m a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City.

Like Music? COVERED!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I’ll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!

Like to Read? COVERED!

I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart.

Hate racism? COVERED!

A lot of people ask me, “Hey, you’re from Alabama. Are you racist?” And, the answer to that question is, no. I’m not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE.

Snatch that guy up before it is too late!


3. What’s that?!?!? a $500 room on Craigslist?!?!

Craigslist


Your friends would be so into this, share it!

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4. Ladies?!?!

Ladies?


5. Storage Like You Neva Even SEEN Before

This was posted in LA Craigslist a few months ago:

So you were going through Craigslist today and were like “Man, I really like sleeping and shit, but I don’t want to start giving plasma to pay rent and prostitution is so competitive, how am I ever gonna get my own place???!”
We got your back: check out this kickass single. This bad boy has freaking storage like you ain’t neva seen before, a freaking MASSIVE kitchen (and that stove and refrigerator? yeah, they’re included, yo) with a GARBAGE DISPOSAL (so you don’t have to dig out shit with your hands cause that’s straight up rank). Hardwood floors so you can pour an entire jarof Nutella on ‘em and roll around like a diabetic Scrooge McDuck, a big ol’ bathroom with tile, a BUILT-IN a/c cause it is hotter than Satan’s balls right now, and free street parking!

Call 323-***-**** to see this mother.

It’s right by the Metro and some weirdass Mexican place with good food.

There you have it, 5 worth Craigslist roommates sure to provide you with a happy, safe place to lay your head. At least until one of you calls the cops.

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