Oh, celebrities: they suck, yet we can’t stop thinking about them. But who is truly the world’s most worthless celebrity? Here at Heavy, we use science to answer these questions. Using a complex series of algorithms that monitor blog mentions, videos, and other Internet and media traffic, we have distilled the world’s celebrities into an orderly list of 100 attention-seeking douchebags. Every day, we’ll debut another entry on the list, counting down to the ultimate celebrity trainwreck.
So who do we kick it off with? Here’s some clues: she’s famous for her ability to transform normal human sperm into litters of children, and then emotionally castrate the sperm donor until he’s crying into the arms of Christian Audigier. She’s got a bad haircut in a year where bad haircuts ruled, and TLC is doing its level best to milk her last few moments of fame for every penny of advertising money that they’re worth. Check to see if you’re right after the jump.
Yes, it’s Kate Gosselin! Who would have thought only a year and change ago that America’s favorite grossly overextended TV family would transform from a heart-warming peek at life with multiples to a screeching, tabloid-baiting domestic drama where a parrot-haired harridan brutally browbeat her increasingly greasy douchebag husband? We may look at Jon later on in this list (no promises), but right now it’s Kate’s turn to cringe in the spotlight. Whether it be her claims that she “can’t pay her bills” despite racking in hundreds of thousands of dollars from personal appearances, her alleged affair with hunky bodyguard Steve Nield, to her massive plastic surgeries and ridiculous haircuts, to the fact that she doesn’t actually, you know, raise her kids, instead having them tended by a veritable army of servants, Kate Gosselin is a fine first entry into the Trainwreck 100.