Celebrities

Trainwreck 100: Plaxico Burress

Trainwreck 100

Oh, celebrities: they suck, yet we can’t stop thinking about them. But who is truly the world’s most worthless celebrity? Here at Heavy, we use science to answer these questions. Using a complex series of algorithms that monitor blog mentions, videos, and other Internet and media traffic, we have distilled the world’s celebrities into an orderly list of 100 attention-seeking douchebags. Every day, we’ll debut another entry on the list, counting down to the ultimate celebrity trainwreck.

Athletics is a fine avocation for a total trainwreck – no matter how horrible a human being you may be, it’s all forgiven when you throw a game-winning pass or slam a home run over the left field wall. But off the field, things are often more difficult. Take today’s trainwreck – all he wanted to do was have a night out in the club, but while he was partying he found his Glock pistol slowly sliding down his leg. In a wild attempt to stop it, the trigger was pulled and shots were fired. One trial later, and this trainwreck is in jail for two years. Probably for the best, though – he’s been sued nine times since his pro sports career began. Do you know who I’m talking about? Click and see if you’re right.

Plaxico Burress

That’s right, it’s incarcerated New York Giant Plaxico Burress. Plax displayed his notorious butterfingers at NYC club LQ, discharging his Glock into his own leg and fleeing the scene. Amazingly enough, the NYPD only found out about the self-capping when they saw it on TV the next morning! It wasn’t long before Burress’ apartment was raided for guns and he was tossed in the pokey. The path from Super Bowl winner to jailbird took barely over two years, but Plax was on the way down before that, whether it be wrecking a Chevy Avalanche that was given to him by a car dealership in exchange for him making promotional appearances (that he never made) to a number of other lawsuits for various misdeeds. The Giants cutting him this year saved the team an estimated $23 million. To add the last bit of salt to the wound, check this hilarious gun safety video making fun of the bullet-riddled Burress.

Check out the Trainwreck 100 archive here.

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