Oh, celebrities: they suck, yet we can’t stop thinking about them. But who is truly the world’s most worthless celebrity? Here at Heavy, we use science to answer these questions. Using a complex series of algorithms that monitor blog mentions, videos, and other Internet and media traffic, we have distilled the world’s celebrities into an orderly list of 100 attention-seeking douchebags. Every day, we’ll debut another entry on the list, counting down to the ultimate celebrity trainwreck.
Excessive fertility is certainly something that can get you in trouble, but it takes a special mix of babymaking and utter insanity to get you a spot on the Trainwreck 100. This wreck of a human being grabbed our attention last year when she gave birth to an absurd number of babies all at once, and the story just got weirder when she started talking to the media about not having sex (all the spawn were the result of artificial insemination) and her grotesque surgery-enhanced attempts to look like Angelina Jolie. Toss in custody battles, hilarious shystering lawyers and multiple failed attempts to parlay her massive brood into reality show fame and you have a trainwreck that’s going to feel really stupid in about 15 years when they all have drivers licenses.
That’s right, it’s the Octomom, Nadya Suleman. America’s obsession with massive fertility came to a climax with the disgusting story of this single mother who used an unethical doctor to shoot her up with massive doses of baby juice, resulting in a brood of eight babies to join her previous six kids. The worst part? Suleman was unemployed and on welfare when she did so, making you and me pay for her 14 kids while she fame-whored all day and night. Somehow she was even able to get plastic surgery on her cheeks, nose and lips to look more like Angelina Jolie! With no discernable talents besides getting pregnant and acting crazy, this walking ovary is a fine indictment of how horrible our society has become.