Trainwreck 100: Tiger Woods

Trainwreck 100

Oh, celebrities: they suck, yet we can’t stop thinking about them. But who is truly the world’s most worthless celebrity? Here at Heavy, we use science to answer these questions. Using a complex series of algorithms that monitor blog mentions, videos, and other Internet and media traffic, we have distilled the world’s celebrities into an orderly list of 100 attention-seeking douchebags. Every day, we’ll debut another entry on the list, counting down to the ultimate celebrity trainwreck.

It can all change in the blink of an eye – one minute you’re on top of the world, the next you’re in the Trainwreck 100. Today’s nominee was quite possibly the most famous athlete on the planet, a master of his craft with a carefully-constructed public personality that melded Type A overachieving with a multi-ethnic melange that made him irresistible to the dozens of brands that rushed for his endorsement. And then, over the course of barely a week, it all fell apart. Discovered to have been cheating on his gorgeous wife for years with a host of increasingly skeevy reality TV rejects and cocktail waitresses, he’s now a punchline for every comedian in America, with the tabloids keeping busy on his sexting 24/7. You can probably guess this one, but let’s go through the motions anyways.

Tiger Woods

Yes siree, the newest trainwreck is Tiger Woods. Born Eldrick Tont Woods, Tiger is the one man responsible for revitalizing the sport of golf in the last decade, with his dominating performances placing him in the record books. But we don’t give a rat’s ass about any of that now, after it was revealed that his wife Elin Nordegren Woods chased him out of the house with a golf club a little before Thanksgiving, causing Tiger to smash his Escalade into a tree. From there, it was all downhill, with literally a dozen mistresses coming out of the closet to claim affairs with the golfer. And these broads weren’t winners, either – B-rated porno actresses, waitresses, you name it and Tiger boned it. He’s left the golf game, and his career may never recover. All for some subprime stank on his hanglow. Nice drive, Tiger! Check out this hilarious video of one of his mistresses talking about having sex with Woods that was released over a year ago!

Check out the Trainwreck 100 archive here.

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