Oh, celebrities: they suck, yet we can’t stop thinking about them. But who is truly the world’s most worthless celebrity? Here at Heavy, we use science to answer these questions. Using a complex series of algorithms that monitor blog mentions, videos, and other Internet and media traffic, we have distilled the world’s celebrities into an orderly list of 100 attention-seeking douchebags. Every day, we’ll debut another entry on the list, counting down to the ultimate celebrity trainwreck.
In previous trainwrecks, we’ve skewered the demagogues and screwups of the far right, but today’s entry shows that horrible people can come from both sides of the aisle. Today’s trainwreck came within a hair’s breadth of the highest office in the land, but his disgusting behavior in his private life eventually completely destroyed his political career. While his wife was suffering from incurable breast cancer, he decided to flush everything down the toilet by having an affair with a filmmaker, even knocking her up. Despite the fact that, if this scandal got out, it would completely destroy him, he continued to pursue the Vice Presidential nomination into 2008, not caring a fig’s leaf about the damage this would do to the political process. And now there’s a sex tape, too? Who’s the Democratic sleazebucket? Guess!
You got it – it’s John Edwards. The North Carolina senator nearly snagged the Presidential nomination in both 2004 and 2008, running as John Kerry’s second in ’04. But even as he was trying to end the Bush dynasty, Edwards was starting one of his own by banging campaign worker Rielle Hunter, who was paid over $100,000 to pal around on the campaign trail filming Johnny. All the while, Edwards’ poor wife Elizabeth was fighting breast cancer and doing her best to keep up appearances in public. Things just keep getting sleazier for this scumbag, as now there’s a sex tape with him boning the pregnant Hunter and allegations that he beat his wife, to boot. How could any sane man run for office with so many skeletons in his closet? No idea, man. Peep this video recapping the whole sordid story.