There’s nothing that takes your mind off of a five-car pile up on the freeway like a good comedy. I guess that isn’t true if it’s a comedy about car accidents, but at least if it’s funny it might help you deal with the trauma. Comedy should be a golden institution. Funny is fantastic and laughter is the best medicine. Why is it that some people can’t grasp what a good comedy is supposed to be? Instead we get one poorly concieved concept comedy after another. Well, we can only blame the Wayans brothers, Disney, and Adam Sandler so much. We have to look at ourselves, the movie going public, if we wan’t to find the real people responsible for these cinematic torture devices. The next time you see a trailer for a movie about a racist caucasian family man who dies, comes back as an Asian prosttitute who learns to love himself and his new family, you’ll know who is at fault. If you know anyone who has paid to see the films on this list in the theater, especially if they’ve seen more than one, do us a favor and smack them in the back of their head. With that in mind, here are some of the worst and unfunniest of those pesky “high concept” comedies.
An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn
If you didn’t already know, Alan Smithee is the pseudonym used by filmmakers who wan’t to disassociate themsevles with a film that has some problems. Either it is completel crap, filled with unwilling compromises, or the directer was kicked out of the final edit. Whatever the case may be, a film about such a circumstance could be a great idea. Actually crediting the film to Alan Smithee is even more hilarious. Unfortunately, the film was too successful with the concept because it not only turned out to be crap, but everyone hated it too. Could have been intentionally bad? That seems like going way too far to deliver the goods, especially since someone was paying for the production of this film.
The Saving Grace: This is kind of stretching it. This movie’s version of those typical spinning newspaper and magazine montages has parodies and puns. These are much more painful than the average groaner. The very worst of them is so bad that I can’t help but laugh at it. WTF is a Rolling Phone?
Because movies with Paris or Nicky Hilton in them wouldn’t be bad enough, the Wayans Brothers had to go the extra step and make a film inspired by their fame and fortune. Shawn and Marlon Wayans do the opposite of Soul Man and pose as two white women to protect the celebutards from being kidnapped. The worst part of this is not just the plot, but the freaky makeup job that was done on the Wayans to make them double as “white chicks.” Tootise this ain’t. The film is also only 10 minutes shy of being two hours long. When there is that much unfunny and bad makeup in one sitting, your brain won’t be the only thing that hurts.
The Saving Grace: Well, if your film has Terry Crews in it, you’ve done at least one thing right. While it can’t save the entire film, here are the best parts of White Chicks, by far.
Vin Diesel has fallen off the radar as an action hero, but his largest lacking is as a funny man. Sure, the man can be hilarious, at least if you are watching his serious films in an ironic manner, but turning his douchiness into a family friendly yuckster could only fall flat. Disney wasn’t really paying attention to this and put him in their crapfest, The Pacifier. While it should have failed miserably, it actually wound up grossing a decent amount of change. The basic concept is that Diesel is assigned to protect the family of a dead man he was supposed to rescue. There are also some secret government plans in the house, but none of that matters. All it really turns out to be is an extended sitcom pilot. Barf.
The Saving Grace: Honestly, there isn’t much to laugh with in this film, but seeing Vin Diesel get attacked by a duck is not only the funniest moment in the trailer, but the funniest moment in the entire film.
The Love Guru
Only one movie could win against Diaster Movie and Meet The Spartans in a battle for the worst, and of course that would be The Love Guru. Someone, somewhere, thought that this movie deserved a $62 Million budget, thanks to the pedigree of Mike Myers and the Austin Powers franchise. Unfortunately for them, the rancid film delivers repetition, boredom, and unfunny all the way home. Should Myers decide to only make Shrek films and never appear on camera again, Love Guru would be his greatest ally in the corner. Guru Pitka (Myers) is enlisted to help out an NHL player get his act together after losing his girlfriend to another star player. Pitka sees this opportunity to get his guru-ness out there on Oprah, hoping to unseat Deepak Chopra as the lead guru. No one cared, no one laughed, and everyone is damaged a little bit by the existance of this film. You know how your neighbors puppy died last week? Blame The Love Guru for it, and most other bad things in your life.
The Saving Grace: Uhm. You didn’t see it, did you? Ok, there. THAT is the saving grace. Now sit through this trailer and watch at how you don’t laugh at a single joke. Isn’t that funny in a backwards way?
Leonard Part 6
Bill Cosby is considered to be one of the greatest comedians of all time. So why the hell did he make Ghost Dad? I’ll tell you why, because it wasn’t Leonard Part 6. Leonard Parker (Cosby) is a former CIA agent that had exploits so sensitive to national security that the first five films are supposed to be locked up in a vault somewhere. Ha. Get it? Oy. Anyhow, beyond the crap premise for the title, everything about this film is bad. The directing, acting, writing, hell, even the credits sequence, are all crud. In fact, some people consider this to be one of the worst films of all time. I have to agree. Cosby was smart to try to switch gears and push Jello upon millions of unsuspecting children. Now that they are old enough to go out and buy DVDs, will they forgive him for Leonard Part 6?
The Saving Grace: There are no Leonard Parts 1-5 or a Part 7. Also, the main villain of the film was pretty much vegetarianism, and The Coz starts killing people with hotdogs and burgers. I have to give them some points for that.