It’s time to take some movies home and watch them over and over and over, my friends, using the latest digital technology to freeze-frame and re-watch those special moments that fluttered by so quickly in the theater. Especially Amy Adams’ ass in Night at the Museum. That’s a moment.
Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian – Man, Ben Stiller really makes some weird-ass choices. I guess this is one of those payday movies, where he takes the check and does his Ben Stiller Routine as a bunch of CGI special effects go nutzoid around him. And that’s all well and good, but what this movie really has going for it is Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart in tight khaki pants. Millions of dollars of Silicon Graphics computers and all anyone wants to talk about is her ass.
Terminator Salvation – Hey, here’s an idea – let’s take Terminator and suck all of the fun out of it, casting Christian Bale as a grown-up John Connor who basically is constipated with hate… for robots! The action is all fine and dandy and the twisty time-travel antics are as fresh as ever, but something’s just missing, which is sad, because Sarah Connor Chronicles had me thinking the franchise was back on the right track.
Paper Heart – Hey, here’s an idea – let’s take Michael Cera and make him an Asian chick. Jesus Christ, this whole modern awkwardness comedy is starting to really make me sick. Yes, I get it, you have Asperger’s syndrome and don’t know how to act. Do what the rest of us do and get drunk enough that nobody notices. Don’t go out and make embarrassingly twee psuedo-documentaries about what love is. What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more.