Incidentally, we know right off the bat that it’s a dystopian future because a) everything outside looks like the bastard child of Blade Runner and StarCraft…
and b) everyone’s dressed like they’re going to the worst party at Comic-Con:
On the right there is Jackie, Bai Ling’s brother, and I’ve gotta say, the makers of Gene Generation pretty much dropped the ball here, because he has nothing that comes even close to her accent. That’s not a knock on Ling; she’s certainly doing better with English than I can with Mandarin, but when you’re trying to create the illusion that a pair of actors are siblings who were raised in the same household by the same parents, you maybe want to see if you can make sure one doesn’t sound like she’s from Szechwan while the other sounds like he’s from Buffalo. Just sayin’.
Either way, he’s as close as this movie comes to having a catalyst for any sort of plot. See, he’s a gambler, and he’s lost so much that the guy he owes money to starts to pee on him (and I guess the fact that the guy’s “urine” is bright green would count as reason c), so he decides to rob his neighbor, who happens to be the guy with the genetic transcoder device that Bai Ling’s boss has been looking for so that he can help his brother-in-law turn his sister back into a woman, as she is currently a mass of snakelike tendrils and an oxygen mask hanging from a set of chains in a one-room apartment.
And if that sounds complicated, don’t worry: It’s just really stupid. Especially since one of the brothers looks like he’s cosplaying as a member of Nelson.
It’s also one of the most monumentally boring films I’ve ever seen, to the point where I straight up checked out started reading comic books in the middle of it, and I was getting paid to watch it.
Once the Riddler was safely back in Arkham Asylum, though, I came back to find that Jackie had been beaten up by the guy he owed money to, who Bai Ling then shot, but because she’s a terrible assassin, he lived and then shot her in the leg, and then the dude from Nelson kidnapped Jackie and rebuilt him using the transcoder while Bai Ling’s neighbor used ANOTHER transcoder to fix her leg, and then Bai Ling shot some people and then her neighbor, and if you’re still reading this, congratulations: You managed to give way more of a rat’s ass than I did.
To be fair, Bai Ling and her nipples do accomplish pretty much everything you expect:
Namely the wearing of tiny, tiny, extremely improbable items of clothing. And really, if I went in looking for more than that, well, that’s on me.
|Chris Sims is a freelance comedy writer from South Carolina. He briefly attended USC before he dropped out to spend more time with Grand Theft Auto, and his career subsequently took the path that you might expect from someone who makes that sort of decision. He blogs at http://www.the-isb.com and creates comics at http://www.actionagecomics.com.|