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Iron Man 2

Okay, I don’t even have to dick around with this. We’re all seeing Iron Man 2 this weekend. That’s what we’re seeing. But I have to feel sorry for the other movies opening today, which seem fated to horrible death – except for Babies, which every Mom in the world is going to see while we’re seeing Iron Man 2. Let’s get to the new releases.

Iron Man 2 – The first Iron Man movie worked primarily on the strength of Robert Downey Jr‘s charisma – ol’ shellhead has just about the least inspiring rogues’ gallery in all of superherodom, so wisely the flick concentrated on the origin. But with all that fun stuff past us, how can the sequel keep our interest? Well, casting Mickey Rourke as villain Whiplash is an excellent step. There’s been so much footage of this leaked that it’s almost like we’ve seen the movie already, but who cares? This one was made for big-screen spectacle. Watch the trailer.

Babies – No, not babbies. This is a plotless documentary where dudes film babies doing all the things that babies do: eat, cry, and poop. Some babies are in countries where you can’t eat so much, so you cry more and poop less! If this is a revelation to you, expect to have your life changed by this movie. Without a single word of narration, this could very well be the most grating film of the year. Watch the trailer.

Trash Humpers – Oh, Harmony Korine. Now that you’re not a kid anymore, nobody really cares about your bizarre movies. The latest, Trash Humpers, is a faux-documentary about people… who hump trash, I guess. A bunch of burnouts in Nashville roam the streets performing perverse acts to no real purpose. Somewhere out there is a person who would enjoy this movie. If you are that person, get help. Watch the trailer.

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll – British singer Ian Dury may well be the dumbest man in punk rock history (which is saying a hell of a lot), so I’m tentatively interested in this biopic, which follows the polio-stricken icon (played by the guy who was Gollum in Lord Of The Rings) to the top of the charts. Watch the trailer.

Casino Jack And The United States Of Money – If you’re curious as to why the country’s in such a mess, make some time for this documentary, which will introduce you to lobbyist Jack Abrahamoff. He’s the guy who takes money from banks and gives it to politicians so they pass laws that make rich people richer and screw you over. What a nice fellow! This is supposed to pack a pile of Bourne-level intrigue, so is worth a watch.

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