New movies hit theaters today, as they do every Friday. It’s time to start hitting back.
Extract – Mike Judge tries to recover from the disaster that was Idiocracy with a new flick about a guy who runs a vanilla extract company. Are there really any vanilla extract jokes that haven’t been told already? Also starring Mila Kunis, the world’s only hot World of Warcraft player, and Ben Affleck, who was in Smokin’ Aces and thus will be in anything.
Carriers – Piper Perabo from Coyote Ugly gets swine flu. You had me at Piper Perabo from Coyote Ugly gets swine flu. Tickets bought for my entire family. Actually this is yet another zombie holocaust madness flick, with Chris Pine and crew fighting the infected… and each other, because we are the worst monsters of all, worse even than Dracula Frankensteins.
Gamer– This was supposed to come out last year and be called Game. That extra R must have cost a lot of money. Pretty psyched for this dystopian Running Man quasi-remake with Gerard Butler as the hero and Michael C. Hall from Dexter as the designer of the evil, life-destroying game. Dare I make two World of Warcraft jokes in one column?
Black Dynamite – Here’s the money shot for the week. A note-perfect tribute to the blaxploitation pics of the 70s, every single thing that we’ve seen for this movie has been amazing – from the retro poster to the slam-bang trailer. Opening night, no questions asked.