Movie Reviews

Full Release: Movies

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Movie night! Time to drill a hole into the bottom of the popcorn bucket, drop your drawers and get a little loving from Hollywood! This week’s big news is Twilight: New Moon, which will attract every single preteen girl in America to the theaters like a moth to a sparkly undead flame. So those of you on lists – and you know who you are – might want to stay home with a good book. The rest of us can watch Nicolas Cage chew scenery under the direction of the great Werner Herzog, or the best John Woo film in years. Let’s roll camera.

The Bad Lieutenant – The original Abel Ferrara flick that this is a spiritual sequel too starred Harvey Keitel in one of his most disgusting, debased roles. Is Nicolas Cage willing to sink to the same depths to save his career? Or will the IRS confiscate all copies of this movie to settle his debts? It’s getting amazingly great reviews so far, with Cage allegedly giving one of his best performances in years. I’d check it out.

Red Cliff – Oh, John Woo. How quickly you went from the master of stylized gunplay beloved of import film buffs to just another Hollywood shlockmeister working with Dolph Lundgren on forgettable action flicks. I’m happy to say that Red Cliff is the return to form that his fans have been waiting for, a period action flick that features some of China’s greatest actors and unforgettable set pieces. The original Chinese version is four hours long, but we’re getting a tighter version that clocks in at a bit above two hours. This is a must-see, period.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon – So there’s this vampire, right? Except he’s not really a vampire because he sparkles in the sunshine instead of catching on fire. And he loves this teenage girl and she loves him back and they’re apparently also both Mormons. And then a werewolf comes to town and – Ah, hell, I can’t treat this with any seriousness. If you really want to know, read our Non-Idiot’s Guide To Twilight.

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