Netflix

New On Netflix: BloodRayne

Yes, Uwe Boll makes horrible movies, but it’s hard to actually dislike them. Maybe it’s because he seems completely clueless about his own incompetence; wretched creations like BloodRayne seem to have been made with a genuine belief that greatness was being crafted. Call it the “cinema of delusion,” or just dismiss it as a piece of crap made by a German real estate guru who shouldn’t have quit his day job; either way, BloodRayne (and Boll’s other video game adaptations such as House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and Postal) definitely has something. This wrongheaded silliness can’t even get its own basic premise right; the video game takes place during World War II, but the movie is set in 18th century Romania, where we meet Rayne (Kristanna Loken, who didn’t quite become the star we thought she would after playing the T-X in Terminator 3), a half-human, half-vampire (a “Dhampir,” for the record, but whatever) who’s haunted by the recurring nightmare of her own mother’s rape (huh?) and becomes the key soldier in a war against the vampire king (Ben Kingsley, who must’ve lost a bet) who wants to wipe out the human race. BloodRayne doesn’t make a lick of sense, but again, it really doesn’t seem to know any better; and again, it’s hard to completely dismiss a movie that features an orgy-loving vampire lord played by Meat Loaf.

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