Oh, hip-hop. If there’s one thing the most American of musical forms is not known for, it’sself-restraint. A perfect place to see this in action is the album cover – that 5″x5″ square that sums up in a single image what the record is about. The following twenty covers are so amazingly terrible that they’d make records scratch all by themselves. Ready to get funky?
Da Brat – Da Brat – There’s two possible explanations here. One is Photoshop. The other one is that Da Brat actually got a custom painted leotard with images of herself on it. I am pulling so hard for #2 it’s not even funny.
Sweet P – I Toast Myself – The ontological implications of this image are astonishing. Jesus turned water into wine, but Sweet P can apparently turn cognac into his body and then back into cognac. And then, in theory, he will alco-bang the girl in the ill-fitting denim bikini who got his name tattooed on her titty.
Iceberg – Gangsta Rap – Yeah, but if you put a huge gilded frame around it, it’ll be classy. No matter that if you peek you can actually see his ho’s vajayajy.
M$ Tee – Havin’ Thing$ – Yes, having your grandma’s things. I wouldn’t really brag about that living room set.
Big Bear – Doin’ Thangs – This is such a legendary cover that any words I could say about it would be wasted. I just love that instead of the typical pile of bling, we have nuts and berries. This guy lives the gimmick.