News

Sassy Autotune Hell: The Grim Legacy Of Uffie, The Rise Of Ke$ha

Whatever happened to the smart, sassy girl rap? Time was you couldn’t walk down the street without tripping over a hard as nails lady with a massive puffy jacket rhyming about how awesome her vagina was. Well, Salt and Peppa split up, Neneh Cherry just does cookery shows now (I think) and need I say it but R.I.P. LEFT EYE. No, we live in a fallen age, an age of horror. The last good sassy girl rap I can think of was “Konichiwa Bitches” by Robyn and Lady GaGa is only good when she ISN’T rapping.

Fans of sassy girl rap may have been particularly wounded by Uffie, a trustifarian starhumper who somehow coasted her way to making a couple of truly diabolical records and ruining a perfectly decent Justice Album. If you want to experience the true horror of Uffie, you can watch the video below our you can use a hive of enraged wasps as a sex toy (I’d go with the wasps):


Pretty bad, right? I’d rather french kiss a gorilla than listen to Uffie’s wannabe rhymes, weak-ass autotune flow and frankly inexplicable English Nanny diction. Maybe I already have! I’m not sure who would want to bite Uffie’s style (which is like wanting to make snow angels in dog-doo or getting the urge to contract all the herpes ever) but hell, someone did. Pray to your higher power, America, because Ke$ha has come to make you hate sound.

Yes, just like Gaga she used to hang out with Flo Rida, but that isn’t illegal – yet. Any discernible character or vulnerability in her vocal range buried behind layers of sticky autotune, Ke$ha paints a more damning picture of brain-dead party zombies than the DK’s “Too Drunk To F*ck” ever did. And she wants to be Uffie so terribly, terribly badly. Beck and Queen are listed as influences, but I’m sure I could have a conversation with those guys without wanting to die. I’m not sure what you did to deserve this, America, but god speed.


She’s due for a career relaunch. Take your families and run.

Win one of three XBox One Console Packages from XBox

Join Heavy's daily email newsletter and Askmen's newsletter to enter to win one of Three(3) great XBox One Console Packages from XBox
Read the sweepstakes rules here.

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 959 other followers