The Olympics represent the pinnacle of human athletic achievement and harmony among nations. But they’re also a depraved, randy, all-out f**kfest! While the eyes of the world are on sprinters, gymnasts and swimmers rewriting the history books, behind the scenes these hard-bodied athletes are screwing each other — and anything that moves — like rabbits. They’re swapping partners like most of us change our socks, and their world-class conditioning gives them the stamina of porn stars. Basically, the Olympic village is home to a giant international orgy. Don’t believe it? Consider these fun facts about sex
and the 2012 Olympics.
1.The Olympics maxed out a gay sex iPhone app.
Grindr, a gay-sex hookup app for smartphones, nearly crashed with over 350,000 London users trying to log in to get some action. East London, which is hosting a majority of the events for the next two weeks, has had little to no service with the site. With a simple account and log in, Grindr offers gay men access to nearby partners for sex. Punch in your preferences for race, build, and the size of their you-know-what and you’re halfway to orgasm.
2. Olympic officials had to hide the hookers.
While prostitution is legal in Britain, in the past 18 months some 80 brothels have been closed and outlawed. Cops and Olympic officials are working in tandem to sanitize the image of the games. Working girls are shunned from central locations and deported to seedy parts of town where they’re easy prey for evil characters. The sex-trade crackdown is being bolstered by Mayor Boris Johnson.
3. The games required 150,000 condoms — and counting.
Athletes at the London games were supplied with more condoms than in any other games in history. And there are more condoms arriving. Each athlete has received 15 condoms, which has ballooned to more than 150,000. British supplier, Durex, is anticipating the need for reinforcement with more rubbers to be distributed in droves. The condom count is already 50 percent higher than that of the Beijing Olympics. Way to go London!
4. Olympians will do it in the road—literally.
Well-conditioned bodies can contort themselves to merge in any surroundings. Soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo, says the Olympics are indeed a romp for the ages: “There’s a lot of sex going on. On the grass, between the buildings, people are getting down and dirty.” She said “that this could be the raunchiest Olympic games ever.” With most athletes sharing living quarters and sleeping in twin beds, they might have to get pro-active outdoors or in bathroom stalls.
5. “What happens in the Village stays in the Village.”
This Vegas-minded motto is the unofficial credo of Olympic athletes — penned to create a code of concealment towards the world from the tits-out, balls-deep behavior that runs rampant at the Olympics. Each building within the village will have its own story and subsequent secrets. If only those walls could talk.
6. Just as the Footloose reverend feared, dancing leads to fornication.
Inside the Olympic Village recreational center is referred to as “The Globe.” It looks like a nightclub with decorative features and loud music. If a disco party isn’t a prelude to sex then we don’t know what is.
7. There’s no shortage of sexual partners.
Not even including fans or prostitutes, there are more available and ample bodies than you can swing a cock at. The workforce at the games is over 160,000. Over 23,900 athletes and team officials will be present, 20,600 broadcasters and press will be reporting from the London village, 4,800 friends and relatives of the competing athletes, and over 9 million in ticket sales expected. Numbers have never been sexier.
8. McDonald’s feeds the post-sex munchies.
McDonald’s, official Games sponsor, notes that sales spike at the Village McDonald’s around 4 a.m. Why is everyone awake instead of resting up for that pommel horse routine? Because they’ve been banging since midnight. Would anyone like a side of fries with their messy hair and sweaty clothes?