News

Global Elite Hide $32 Trillion in Offshore Accounts: Maybe Bane’s Onto Something

Money

I just … what … how … I don’t even … f#@k me in the @ss and call me Sally Gingerbread Naruto the fourth. According to a new report from the Tax Justice Network the global elite are hiding up to $32 trillion in offshore tax havens. I don’t even think my brain can compute that number. I just stared at it for the past 10 minutes doing the full David After Dentist:

david after dentist

The GDP of the entire United States of America was only $15.9 trillion in 2011. $32 trillion could end world hunger for over 1,000 years and still have a ridiculous sum of money left over. Even worse, the number was $11.5 trillion in 2005, meaning the beast is growing.

There aren’t enough curse words in the universe to handle what I’m thinking right now. I have to invent some new ones to properly handle my emotions. Flizguffer! Nershtrager! Shartruse! Procknocks! Kiltenger! I feel better now. Well, no, I don’t. Just … imagine for a second if that income was taxed at just 10% how much that would just help everything, in life everywhere. How many teachers, firefighters, and police officers wouldn’t have to be fired.

This is the sort of thing that makes people think that maybe Bane’s onto something in The Dark Knight Rises. Even if you haven’t seen the movie yet, I think you can tell from the previews that class war is involved. And this is why class wars happen. Everyone everywhere is suffering. How many people do you know have lost their jobs? How many of them are good hardworking people that can’t find work?

And these f#@ks are hiding $32 trillion from taxes. Are you kidding me? And these same people tell us if we just let them keep more money everything will be okay because it will all trickle down. We just forgot to ask where it was trickling down to. Apparently the answer to the Cayman Islands.

Seriously? $32 trillion? To quote a very wise professor, “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.” I’m going to go listen to some Motorhead and feel angry about stuff.

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