News

Putin Dangles His Balls in Our Face as Russian Sub Invades Gulf for Weeks

akula russian nuclear sub submarine gulf of mexico

X-51A Waverider scramjet crashes hypersonic

X-51A Waverider


It’s a bad day for America in the New Cold War.

On the same day we crashed our hypersonic X-51A Waverider scramjet (unmanned, but sounds like it should be driven by Wonder Woman) in an attempt to maintain flight at Mach 6, the Daily Mail reports that a Russian sub rode right up our ass into the Gulf of Mexico and dicked around undetected for like a month.

Somewhere President Putin is taking a shot of wodka while cupping his crotch to denote the size of his brazen balls.

The Mail cites the Free Beacon, which says the Russians’ Akula nuclear sub was armed with cruise missiles and performed the stealth f**k-you to America “at the same time Russian strategic bombers made incursions into restricted U.S. airspace near Alaska and California in June and July.”

One U.S. official summed up the Akula with chilling bluntness:

The Akula was built for one reason and one reason only: To kill U.S. Navy ballistic missile submarines and their crews.

Meanwhile, in more WWIII news involving Putin’s testacles, the Beacon says Russia is planning to sell 11 new subs to Venezuela while setting up “naval replenishment facilities” for itself in Cuba.

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