Top Comedy Videos of the Week: Colonel Sanders and Olympian Adult Film Stars

Listen, Iran, I know that you’re all depressed about not having clean water and basic human rights and all, but seriously, do you even know what it’s like when Pandora breaks down? Worst. Thing. Ever.

We here at Heavy have already done extensive research into how ridiculously hot and sexy some of the Olympians at the 2012 London Olympics are. Frankly, we consider ourselves experts. But Jimmy Kimmel just took it to the next level.

Alcohol and fail are a natural fit and their marriage has blossomed since the beginning of time. Only now we have the Internet to truly showcase just how well they go together. Behold, the ultimate video compilation of drunken jack-assery resulting in fail… and probably a few head injuries.

Is your dad Liam Neeson? Does he have a special set of skills? If you answered no to either of these questions then chances are your dad will be utterly useless should you ever be kidnapped by sex traffickers. Bummer.

If you’re distraught over this whole Chick-fil-A anti-gay fiasco, rest assured that if you want some old fashioned fried chicken from a kitchen that doesn’t condemn your lifestyle, KFC has your back. Yes, the Colonel at Kentucky Fried Chicken is all about the gays, and prefers to see the world through the eyes of his hormone injected chickens.

without gender… or beaks… or a butt-hole.”

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