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Sadist James Dolan Wants to Torture Knicks Fans in Isiah Thomas Dungeon

I’m fairly certain that by this point it has been proven that the New York Knicks organization is fueled by the anguished howls of its fanbase. And if the organization doesn’t run on the terror and pain of its fans, owner James Dolan definitely feasts on Knicks fans’ torment.

That’s why it shouldn’t surprise anyone to know that Dolan is trying to re-hire Isiah Thomas. Isiah is mostly known for losing a multimillion dollar trial where the jury found him guilty of sexual harassment, failing as an NBA coach, failing as a GM, failing as an executive of an independent basketball league, failing as a college basketball coach, allegedly attempting to overdose on sleeping pills and then blaming his daughter, and being one of the greatest point guards in the history of the NBA.

Isiah Thomas was hired by the Knicks in 2003 as head of basketball operations, at which he was a spectacular failure. As a reward for his incompetence and mismanagement, James Dolan hired him to be the coach as well in 2006. This caused the team to reach even greater depths of failure. That combined with the extremely public sexual harassment trial embarrassed the organization and the league to such a degree that David Stern forced Dolan to finally fire Isiah in 2008.

Sanity was briefly restored.

Then Dolan attempted to re-hire Isiah in 2010, only to be thwarted by the league.

Now, Dolan is interested in hiring Isiah again, and the only one standing in the way of it is Isiah himself. It’s such a bad idea that even Isiah Thomas realizes it.

Of course, Isiah’s held influence over the team during his exile even without officially being on the payroll. Dolan has mystified fans for years for his inexplicable and undying connection to Isiah. How and why does this man hold so much sway over Dolan? Dolan acts as if glamoured by his vampire master Isiah.

Isiah being a vampire actually makes more sense than the alternative, that Dolan, a man of endless wealth and power and owner of a professional basketball team, is an insecure little twit who is as incessantly loyal as he is petty and is so small-minded, stupid, angry, and paranoid that he is willing to shun common sense and everyone who contains a shred of it in favor of a single man whose tenure has been marked by nothing but remarkable failure and borderline abusive activity that brought a mountain of shame upon the entire organization and Dolan himself.

Yea, I’m going to go with vampires on this one.

So, Dolan’s long history of stupidity and strange, endless affection for Isiah make his actions now anything, but shocking. But it doesn’t make them any less painful.

Last year’s Knicks season, while a roller-coaster of emotions, was one of the most enjoyable in decades. It was practically miraculous and had the fanbase fired up for a new season. Finally, everything was going right for the Knicks. Finally, they had gotten some luck and fielded one of their most likable teams ever, even if all the pieces didn’t exactly fit together.

Dolan responded to this unprecedented joy and hope for the team during his tenure by individually pooping on each and every fan of his organization. It took all summer, but he’s finally completed it.

Isiah and Dolan

First, was the Jeremy Lin saga. Avoiding details that involve the complicated minutiae of NBA contract negotiation and the collective bargaining, the Knicks front office pooped its pants and then reached into said pants and smeared what it found all over its face.

Linsanity was a once in a lifetime piece of golden luck. It’s the type of thing that just doesn’t happen, let alone to the Knicks, and presented the team with an exciting future both basketbally and economically. It presented fans with the type of ecstasy and unbridled joy that seems so impossible to achieve in such a depressing world and makes all the unnecessary pain sports make us experience worthwhile. So, of course the team just let him go for nothing. They let him walk, despite being perfectly capable of signing him, how much he would improve the team, and what he meant to the fanbase (and the potential to grow that fanbase) while getting nothing back in return.

They didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, the shot it with depleted uranium tipped bullets from an automatic rifle.

And the only reason they let him go was spite. Dolan’s thin skin and deep temper once again ripped out the hearts of Knicks fans everywhere and then repeatedly stomped on them as if they were grapes and they wanted to make a fine wine.

Now, not satisfied with ruining his fans most upbeat attitude in well over a decade and making them feel as if their souls had been ripped from their bodies and made to dance in front of them like marionettes, Dolan has decided once again to raise the specter of Isiah.

Isiah, the demon who had haunted Madison Square Garden until it resembled the house from Poltergeist until he was finally excised, is back. Sure, he never really totally left, but he was gone enough. What remained of him was a shadow of darker times that had already melded with our Torquemada (Dolan). We had one enemy and we were stuck with him, but there were other forces in the organization and plenty of things to root for. We were in recovery.

Now, he returns. It’s not a surprise, but it still hurts. Even if you know someone is going to do something horrible to you, it still hurts when they actually do it. The Joker telling us he’s going to blow up the city doesn’t make it any less terrible when he actually does. Except in that analogy there is Batman to thwart him. Knicks fans are Batman-less.

Yes, Isiah will not be taking on a major role within the organization. He’ll merely be a consultant. But he brought the organization to the lowest point in its history, having him be a part of what are now supposed to be the good times makes them far less enjoyable.

Ultimately, if Isiah were put precariously close to a pit full of angry badgers, far away from the Knicks organization, I would probably be pretty fine with that. And James Dolan has proven that he does not care one iota for his fans and seems to blatantly despise them. In fact, I believe that he continues to own the team solely out of spite for every fan who has ever complained about his tenure.

Don’t worry, at the rate he’s going, eventually there will not be any fans left to hate. Maybe he’ll sell the team then.

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