The rumor mill is a churning here on Saturday with stories flying about perennially heartbroken teen Taylor Swift holding hands with her ex, One Direction member and singing baby, Harry Styles backstage during Swift’s X Factor appearance.
We’ve discussed the Taylor Swift-Harry Styles relationship around these parts before, so we’re pretty familiar with these too. In fact, we consider ourselves experts in these matters, doctors if you will. Please refer to us all as doctor when discussing matters.
The main takeaway here is that somehow this Harry Styles kid keeps pulling down major poon. The dude looks six. Apparently he’s 18, but I won’t believe it until I see the birth certificate. That’s right, I’m a One Direction birther. Whatcha gonna do about it? Maybe when they start singing like their balls have dropped I’ll start giving them the benefit of the doubt.
The other major takeaway is that Taylor Swift is going to have a new album all about this dude and it’ll probably be finished by the end of this weekend. Seriously, Taylor, bubala, try reading a book or going to a movie or something sometime. Really just anything that’s not getting your heart broken. It’s a big wide world out there! There’s plenty to do and see that is not getting your heart broken. Based on your music, I’m guessing that this is something you don’t know. Not everything is about relationships.
You’re about to be 23-years-old, and your views on relationships seem to not have matured since you were 16. It’s time to grow up. Maybe the reason you keep getting your heart broken is because all you do all day is act like a heart broken 16-year-old. That also may be the reason you’re still dating six-year-olds who claim to be 18. Just a thought.