In case you’ve been living under a rock (or like me, without power) for the past day or so, CIA Director David Petraeus was caught having an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell, by the FBI. He has since resigned.
It’s a good thing we have social media to inform us of such breaking news in a mature and serious way.
Just kidding! Twitter, in its typical manner, snarked the hell out of it. Let’s look at the funniest.
Drunk David Patreus stumbles past a beautiful lady at a bar and mutters, “I knew your secrets.” And then he cries.
— graham t beck (@g_t_b) November 10, 2012
The chapter in his biography about David Petraeus’ affair with his biographer is going to be awkward for his biographer to write.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) November 9, 2012
Seems, Gen. David Patreus took “em-bed” rather literally, have given the term a whole new meaning.
— NILIM DUTTA (@NilimDutta) November 10, 2012
I heard David Petraeus had some honorable discharge.
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) November 9, 2012
Petraeus may have banged his biographer but at least he didn’t run the Princeton offense with 3 all stars. #HireDougMoe
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) November 10, 2012
— Matt Yglesias (@mattyglesias) November 9, 2012
okay General Petraeus, you got laid, quit bragging we don’t care
— jon hendren (@fart) November 9, 2012
Shock me, Dave Petraeus.
— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) November 9, 2012
Petraeus affair was with a drone. This is how Skynet starts, people. They know what he knew now.
— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) November 9, 2012
Nate Silver only had chances of a Petraeus affair at 43.5%.
— Andrew Kaczynski (@BuzzFeedAndrew) November 9, 2012
Petraeus would be in big trouble if any of us could spell ‘Petraeus’
— cyktrussell (@cyktrussell) November 10, 2012
Suddenly I want someone to write my biography.
— KimJongNumberUn (@KimJongNumberUn) November 10, 2012
General Penetrataeus knows how to stay on top of a slippery situation.
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) November 10, 2012