It seems as though the Venezuelan government is recruiting science fiction writers for its presidential speeches. Nicholas Maduro- Venezuela’s Vice President, and the de facto head of state since Hugo Chavez underwent cancer surgery in December – has announced in a live address to the nation that Chavez’s cancer was caused by a purposeful attack by enemies.
Maduro asserted that there is “scientific evidence” that Hugo Chavez was inoculated with cancer by “historical enemies” of the Bolivarian Revolution. Who are these “historical enemies” that have been able to obtain the biological superpower to infect people with cancer? According to Maduro it is the Venezuelan opposition and the United States who have joined forces in this calculated cancer “conspiracy” to destabilize Chavez’s 14 year regime. I guess for the Venezuelan government the C.I.A actually stands for Cancer Inoculation Agency.
In the same address Maduro also pronounced the expulsion of 2 American diplomats including David del Monaco, and Air Attaché Deblin Costal for being implicated in “conspiracy plans”. “They have 24 hours to pack their bags and leave,” said Maduro.
This isn’t the first time the Venezuelan government has blamed cancer on adversaries. In 2011, a day after Argentinean President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner announced that she had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, Hugo Chavez stated that he believed Washington was behind the wave of cancer that hit Latin American heads of states. During that time, Brazil’s Dilma Rousseff, Paraguay’s Fernando Lugo and former Brazilian leader Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva were reportedly in treatment for the disease. “Would it be so strange that they’ve [US] invented the technology to spread cancer and we won’t know about it for 50 years?”, asked the leader of the Bolivarian Revolution in a live press conference. That same year, Chavez blamed capitalism for the lack of life on Mars. With that logic, we should all read up on Adam Smith to protect ourselves from potential Alien attacks.
All conspiracy theories aside, Hugo Chavez’ health has been on a rapid decline since he underwent his fourth cancer operation on December 11. The very vocal and controversial president known for his unrelenting media presence, has not been seen or heard of in public since. In the meantime, inflation has almost doubled to an annualized rate of over 40 percent and the Venezuelan currency has plummeted on the black market. But, alas, this economic instability is probably caused by one of those pesky CIA poison pills.