Full Release: Movies

 

It’s Friday, and that means new movies to mainline into your eyeballs until your armpits smell like popcorn and you bleed RC Cola. That’s a scientific thing that actually happens if you watch too many movies. Let’s get to the releases.

Jennifer’s Body. Megan Fox, minus the giant robots, plus a bunch of dead teenagers: that’s math we can get behind. The crazy starlet plays a carnivorous cheerleader who literally consumes her classmates to sustain her supernatural beauty. The script is by Juno‘s Diablo Cody, so it promises a little bit more than your usual slasher fare. But as long as a bunch of no-name Abercrombie & Fitch rejects hit the pavement in inventively messy ways, I’m there.

The Informant! Matt Damon, plus like forty pounds, plus a mustache. Steven Soderbergh is pretty much totally my dude and I’ll see whatever he puts out, so this true tale of a corporate whistleblower turned embezzler is a no-brainer. Pre-release buzz is great and there’s already Oscar talk for Damon’s wispy lip-liner, truly one of the best cinematic ‘staches in recent memory.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. A bunch of computers, plus a much-loved childrens’ book, minus a soul. Plus Mr. T and Bruce Campbell. Oh, damn, this is getting tricky. I want to hate this for unnecessarily giving CGI glitz and a Hollywood enviro-chic message to an old-school 70s kids book. The animation is ugly in that Ice Age way where everything looks like bad Japanese plastic models and the trailer made me ill. But it has James Caan as a cop! I don’t have access to any kids in the target audience for this (by law) so I’ll pass.


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