You Sank My Battleship

 

Okay, real talk: the Clue movie was pretty great. Multiple endings, Tim Curry, murder – a pretty good flick. But that doesn’t mean we need to see more movies based on board games. Ever. I mean, how hard is it to think of an idea for a story? Here’s one: alien dude comes to earth, makes love to Amanda Seyfried, the baby is Jet Li and they fight crime. I could do this all day. Here’s another one: alien dude comes to earth, makes love to Jennifer Lopez, the have twins played by the Wayans Brothes, they fight crime. So why is Universal Pictures hiring Hancock director Peter Berg to direct Battleship: The Movie? It’s a bunch of ships shooting at each other, why the hell do you need the board game tie-in? In fact, you could probably call it Battleship and nobody would sue you, it’s a pretty generic term. The worst of it? This is only the beginning of the Milton Bradley era of moviemaking – Kevin Lima on Candyland! Ridley Scott on Monopoly! Gore f’n Verbinski on a Clue remake! You think I’m kidding, don’t you? Variety has it all in black and white.