Full Release: Music

 

It’s time once again for the leading lights of the music industry to gift upon us their innermost thoughts and dreams, cunningly crafted into three-minute slices of audible sound. This week, we have the sophomore release from Jersey trash turned couture freak Lady Gaga, reality TV lady Adam Lambert, reality TV lady Susan Boyle, and even some hip-hop to sweeten up the mix. Let’s get to the new releases

Lady GagaThe Fame Monster – These were supposed to be eight songs tacked onto a re-release of Gaga’s 2008 album The Fame, until it was maybe brought up that making people buy the same album twice is kind of a douche move. Honestly, this music does absolutely nothing for me – it’s like listening to paint dry – but I hope it sells a trillion copies so she can buy a ton more completely bizarre outfits. It beats looking at Kate Gosselin.

Susan BoyleI Dreamed A Dream – The Susan Boyle story really shines a light on what’s wrong with America, and by association, the world: we couldn’t believe that an ugly person could be talented. We’ll see how well her album does, but it looks like she’s going to do OK, as it’s the best-selling in pre-release album on Amazon.com ever. Ever. This is all covers, which is probably for the best, as I really don’t want to hear a fortysomething virgin’s innermost thoughts on life.

RihannaRated R – The beautiful Barbadian’s first release since the whole Chris Brown fiasco went down sees her slapping a Parental Advisory label on the front, further distancing herself from her curly-ringleted teen idol days. Early reports have the album pushing further into a rock-influenced direction (Slash even guests on a track), with several comparisons to Prince’s Purple Rain. That’s a pretty fine cultural touchstone to ape, in my opine.

Memphis BleekThe Process – It’s been almost five years since Memphis Bleek dropped an album, and the MC most commonly known as Jay-Z’s hanger-on still hasn’t proven that he can truly fly solo, despite his obvious skills. So The Process, which sees Bleek leaving Def Jam behind to release on his own label (in collaboration with Mass Appeal Records) is make-or-break for Mem. But Hova’s still lending a hand on at least one track (along with Rick Ross and Pharrell Williams) so the student hasn’t completely abandoned the teacher yet.

Adam LambertFor Your Entertainment – I try not to write about American Idol winners with any seriousness but this guy’s record cover is just the best. The album will probably not be the best, as it’s artery-clogged with loads of notorious “hitmakers” – RedOne! Linda Perry! Max Martin! But alongside those factory hands are songs by the guy from The Darkness, Lady Gaga and… Rivers Cuomo? I don’t even know what to think.