Full Release: Music

 

It’s time for some music to come out! Or at least what can reasonably be called music in this debased day and age – that collection of blips and farts punctuated by atonal yowling run through Auto-Tune and shrinkwrapped to placate the tweens that make up 98% of the music buying audience. It’s a fact that each generation believes the music of the generation after them to be the worst crap ever extruded, and it’s also a fact that each generation is right. So what will be the music that will horrify our spawn in the year 2025? I shudder even to think. Anyways, here’s what’s hitting store shelves this week.

JuvenileCocky And Confident – Okay, when you hit your thirties, it’s no longer OK to go by the name “Juvenile.” You may as well just drive around in a white van with a ladder on the back and be deathly afraid of Chris Hansen. But what do I know, this Dirty South rapper basically pioneered the bounce and this is his ninth album, which takes a step back from the dark days after Katrina to bring the party with… a Roxette cover? This guy’s going to have the weirdest FBI profile.

The BraveryStir The Blood. – So, guys? The hot New York bands don’t really sound like this anymore, what with the electronics and the pleather pants and the sub-Marilyn Manson “shocking” videos. It’s all hipster beards and dating girls too hot for you now. Good luck with your new record, which hearkens back to the glory days of 2005, when titling a song “Hatef*ck” might actually make some teenager buy your CD to piss off their Mom

ThaliaPrimera Fila – I had to have a hot chick in this so I could put a picture up top, because you really don’t want to look at The Bravery any more than you have to. Um, this is a live album recorded in Miami in front of an appreciative audience for the Mexican-American singer who made her fame acting in telenovelas.

Mr. HudsonStraight No Chaser – English pop star Ben Hudson got signed to Kanye’s label and got West to executive produce his second album, which is already receiving critical raves for its stripped-down, simple presentation. He apparently also rules live. This has been out for a few weeks in the UK but is finally getting a Stateside release. Might be good!