Okay, you might have some reservations about reading this review because, and let’s be adults here, there are Ninja Assassin advertisements on this website. You know, that’s cool. I can see how you’d be suspicious. But this movie owns, and if we were running ads for The Blind Side I wouldn’t be writing a couple paragraphs about how Sandra Bullock is so good at not being condescending to African-Americans very much. The only special treatment I got was getting to see this bad boy early, and I can’t be bought off with money or sensual favors. So let’s get to the review.
Ninja Assassin is an old-school action movie in its purest form – with a paper-thin plot that’s really just an excuse for a charismatic hero to slaughter a legion of faceless baddies, it might as well be a video game. But these movies are judged on the strength of their action scenes, and that’s where Ninja Assassin delivers. Korean pop star Rain (last seen in Speed Racer, directed by the Wachowski siblings, who co-produced this flick) stars as Raizo, an emotionless ninja trained from childhood to kill with no compunctions. But when the clan leader kills his girlfriend, he flees the assassin’s life and goes underground, only to emerge to protect a smokin’ hot Europol agent. What does that mean to you? It means tons of crazy ninjas flipping out, cutting each other in half, and throwing shuriken around like they got them at the dollar store. Fights in the middle of speeding Berlin traffic, insanely acrobatic martial arts action and a stirring climactic showdown make this one an adrenaline-soaked anodyne to the sappy pap clogging up theaters right now. Check the trailer if you need more convincing.