5. Edward Furlong
Movie: Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Okay, so I don’t really like to bag on child actors, but it’s kind of hard not to when one of them is running around ruining an otherwise awesome flick. Furlong whines his way through the movie to the point that you start openly rooting for the Liquid Metal Terminator to turn his arm into a sword or whatever and just put him out of his misery. It’s never a good sign when the audience openly despises the future leader of mankind.
4. Tom Cruise in any movie post Couchgate
Movie: All of them
Tom Cruise has always been vaguely ridiculous, but once he started hopping on Oprah’s couch he went from legitimate movie star to punch line. Other than Tropic Thunder, in which he had to don a fat suit, prosthetics and a bald cap, it has been completely impossible to take Cruise seriously. I have said it before and I will say it again, if you are ever in a movie theater and a trailer for one of Cruise’s movies comes on, I can just about guarantee you that half the movie theater will break out in laughter when they see him.
3. Sophia Coppola
Movie: The Godfather III
I don’t really blame Sophia for this one. I mean, after all, she’s a really talented writer/director, and she was an obvious amateur when this movie was made. But that’s the problem. She was an amateur asked to play a key role in the climax of the Godfather saga. It’s impossible not to watch the movie and think that she only got the job because she was the director’s daughter. Maybe you can get away with this if you are making a low budget indy film. It’s kind of hard to hide when you’ve got Al Pacino in the scene with you.
2. Hayden Christensen and Jake Lloyd
Movie(s): Star Wars, Episodes I, II, and III
George Lucas struck out hilariously by casting young Jake Lloyd in the pivotal role of Anakin Skywalker when he decided to return to his beloved Star Wars franchise. It’s not the poor kid’s fault – I mean, he was only a kid, after all – but perhaps Lucas should have seen a problem on the horizon when Lloyd couldn’t even properly fold his arms in one scene. Seriously, go back and watch it. It’s just a quick scene, but it’s hilarious. Luckily for Lloyd, he didn’t get savaged nearly as badly as he could have because everyone was too busy bitching about Jar-Jar Binks. Thankfully, when Episode II came along, the story had progressed far enough for Lucas to hire an older actor to play Anakin. Somehow, Lucas botched it just as badly, as Christensen set a new standard for monotone woodenness. Seriously, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that his performance is used as a sleep aid in clinics. Good Lord.
1. Keanu Reeves
Fresh off of his bravura performance as Ted Theodore Logan in the Bill and Ted franchise and his performance as a surfer dude cop in Point Break, Keanu was a natural to play English gentleman Jonathan Harker in Dracula. Wait . . . what? Poor Keanu. Watching him trying desperately to master an English accent is absolutely hilarious. Which is kind of a problem, because the movie isn’t a comedy. The whole time I was watching the movie, I was hoping for Keanu’s sake that his buddy Bill and their mentor Rufus would show up with the phone booth and dial his ass out of there. Bogus.