When one thinks of the phrase “sex scene,” the connotations of lush, vivid sexualities splattered over the silver screen spring to mind.
As guys, we relish in the hopefulness that at some point in that “chic flick” our lady friend forced us to watch, we’ll get to see at least half a nipple or some side boob from the female lead, or any female in the cast for that matter.
But, when we get a dose of flesh-smacking, cinematic sweatiness, we leave the experience feeling fulfilled with a profound sense of “where-can-I-take-my-lady friend-NOW!?”
Well, gents, no side boob or half butt-crack shots on this list. This is unadulterated human humping at its finest and most, ahem, “artistic.” Fun Fact: This list also could have been called Greatest List of All-Time, or Best Almost Porn.
Easily the most artistically shot scene on this list, Lars von Trier set the benchmark for graphic sexual insertion in mainstream cinema with Antichrist, when William DaFoe — who likes showing his wang on film — is tasked with the difficult job of making sweet, intimate love to Charlotte Gainbourgh during the film’s opening scene.
If it wasn’t for von Trier’s expert use of camera movement and editing, this scene could have easily been dubbed hardcore porn and released as such.
The only thing that could possibly have kept this from being higher on this list is the fact that a baby falls out of a window during the DaFoe penis-shot/butt-shot fest (there’s female butt and vagina in there, too).
Baby death isn’t hot. Engrossing, but not hot.
9. ‘A History of Violence’
If your thing is humping the hell out of your girlfriend on your hardwood stairs, then you’d probably love A History of Violence.
Besides its status as a great, Oscar-nominated film, it also boasts one of the more painful-looking sex scenes in all of cinema. And, super-sexy Maria Bello is the one getting the stairway pounding. So that’s awesome.
It’s fairly tame compared to some of the other films on this list, but once you see it I’m sure you can understand it’s place here.
There’s not too much skin being shown in auteur Todd Solondz’s infamous scene, other than Selma Blair’s chesticles, but it’s not needed.
When Blair assumes the position against a bedroom wall and proceeds to be levied a heavy penis tax, it’s not only the specific act of sex that’s illicit, it’s what actor Robert Wisdom (The Wire) makes her say during the act that makes your jaw drop.
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