‘Game of Thrones’ Season Premiere: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know

The Game of Thrones Season 3 premiere was last night and it was well worth the wait of almost a year. There were dragons, attempted murders, and who would have known, nudity! Here’s what you need to know…

1. There Are Giants Now

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F#!* yes. Ygritte and Jon Snow see a giant working on slamming poles into the ground, assuming they are building something. Ygritte tells Jon not to stare. She’s seen the giant pound someone in the ground like a hammer to a nail. Awesome.

2. Tyrion Wants Casterly Rock

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Tyrion meets with his father, Tywin, and insists that he is, by blood, heir to more things than he has been given. According to Tyrion, his father should have visited him while he was recovering from the injury he suffered to his face during the battle, like a good father would. Tywin tells him how much he despises him and would “hang the next whore he catches in his room.” Ouch.

3. Melisandre Claims She Could Have Saved the Men Who Died in the Battle of Blackwater

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Davos, after being saved from a deserted island, meets with Stannis and tries to convince him that his queen is evil. Melisandre is present in all of this and tells him that she could have saved Stannis’ army. Davos, clearly distraught, swings at her with a knife, and Stannis throws him in the dungeon.

4. You Had One Job Sam. ONE JOB.

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Sam was supposed to send ravens telling the people at the wall about the recent whitewalkers and their rising. He didn’t do that, of course, so the Night’s Watch has to go BACK to the wall to warn everyone. Way to go, Sam. Way to f*$%ing go.

5. Daenerys’ Dragons Are Growing, But Not Fast Enough for the War

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Her dragons are now roughly the size of an average human, minus their huge wingspan. According to Daenerys, that isn’t big enough to fight. She lands on Astapor to buy an Army. As the army is being presented to her, the salesman/leader of the army cuts off one of the soliders nipples to show Daenerys how tough/loyal they are. F*$!ing sold.

So there you have it. As with all Game of Thrones episodes, a lot of s#!* happens, but those are the five top facts you need to know. If the season goes the way the first episode went, it’s going to be the best season yet.