Country star Jana Kramer recently released a book with her husband Mike Caussin called “The Good Fight: Wanting to Leave, Choosing to Stay, and the Powerful Practice for Loving Faithfully” in which the pair open up about the struggles in their relationship and how they’ve overcome them to have a strong marriage.
Dancing With the Stars happens to come up a lot in the book because it was during Kramer’s time on the show that she and Caussin separated, Caussin went to rehab for sex addiction, the news broke about their separation and the reason, and Kramer admitted to having some “flirts and flings” during her time on the show.
Here is what she and Caussin had to say about that whole time in their lives.
Kramer Was ‘Lost’ When They Separated
In the book, Kramer writes that she was “so lost” when Caussin went to rehab and Dancing With the Stars saved her, in a way.
“I was scared, lonely, angry, and quite frankly all over the damn place,” she wrote, adding, “Then I joined the cast of Dancing With the Stars. It was the perfect opportunity to do my own thing and have a much-needed distraction. But I was in an all-out war with my emotions.”
The couple revealed that Caussin filed for divorce while they were separated because Kramer wasn’t letting him see their daughter, Jolie, but Kramer wrote that Jolie was the “only thing that kept [her] calm” during that time.
“I was so desperate to keep close to me the one thing that brought me calm, that, even though I knew it was wrong and would hurt him, I said he couldn’t see her until after I finished filming, which could take a month.”
But suddenly, this idea of raising Jolie alone was what hit her and made her want to work on the marriage. “That’s when the real work began,” wrote Kramer, adding that that meant getting honest with Caussin about her behavior while he was away.
“It started with me getting honest with Mike about the past few months. I had let myself have some — how should I put it? — ‘flirts and flings’ during our separation. I told Michael about them when he asked, even though, damn, did a part of me want to lie through my teeth. If I had entertained other guys purely out of retaliation, that would be one thing; I could own that. But I know myself and I know I was genuinely intending to move on. I wanted to prove to myself that I was still lovable. He heard my truth and accepted it,” wrote Kramer.
According to E! News, Kramer hesitated to put her infidelity in the book because she “never truly thought [she] did anything wrong.”
“Correction. I knew it was wrong; I just didn’t want to be the bad guy. I justified my actions in my mind just as I suppose Mike had done all along too,” Kramer said.
She also wrote in the book that it took her a long time to be able to apologize to Caussin for her behavior because only saw him as being in the wrong.
“We danced that dance for quite some time. I dug my heels in. I wouldn’t apologize,” she wrote, adding that eventually, she realized she had to own her side of the street, which means taking responsibility for her actions.
Kramer Doesn’t Regret ‘Dancing With the Stars’ But Thinks It Played a Negative Role In Their Relationship
Kramer also told E! that while she loved being on Dancing With the Stars, in hindsight she thinks it “prolonged [their] suffering and delayed [their] healing.”
She also isn’t naming names. When E! recently asked about the “flirts and flings,” Kramer said she isn’t going to reveal who those were with.
“There’s other people involved. Some people don’t want to be as open and it would be wrong of me to name names when I don’t think that’s fair. Just because I’m open doesn’t mean that I have to pull other people out into the openness,” said Kramer, adding, “Some people live dark lives. Some people want to be more secretive and they want to be able to have a fling and nobody cares. That’s not what we wanted the book to be about. Like, ‘Oh, who did I have a date with?’ or whatever. I just feel like it wouldn’t have been fair.”
Kramer competed on season 23 of Dancing With the Stars with professional partner Gleb Savchenko, coming in fourth place.
Kramer Also Talked About The US Weekly Story Outing Caussin’s Sex Addiction
While she was competing on Dancing With the Stars in the fall of 2016, Kramer’s publicist called her with a bombshell — US Weekly was running a cover story about Kramer and Caussin’s marriage titled “Married to a Sex Addict.” She said when her publicist called, her “heart dropped to the floor.”
“My heart dropped to the floor because that time of my life was pure chaos and madness so I rarely was getting good news. Why was it chaos and madness, you ask? Well, I had signed on to do the show a few weeks after Michael had left for sexual addiction rehab. To audiences, in America, we had separated and he had gone away, but that was the extent of which I had shared. You might be thinking, why would you sign up for Dancing With the Stars when your world was falling apart? Yeah, I often questioned that too, but I needed a healthy escape, and Dancing was it,” wrote Kramer.
Shortly after she finished Dancing With the Stars, Kramer, Caussin, and their daughter went to Michigan for Thanksgiving. Kramer wrote that the “atmosphere between [them] was quiet and cold” and “frankly, it was awkward for everybody.”
“I knew I had to make a decision about our marriage. My stalling over the previous three months while I was on the show had come to an end, and it was back to Nashville to figure out who was staying in the house and who was leaving,” wrote Kramer.
Kramer and Caussin Renewed Their Vows in 2017 But Marriage Is Still a Work in Progress
While Kramer and Caussin ultimately worked through their issues with the help of therapy, which is one of the big messages of their book — “We’re huge advocates of [therapy] … Therapy was the smack in the face we needed in order to understand that any relationship worth having takes work.” — they admit to still being a work in progress.
On the episode of their “Whine Down” podcast that came out at the same time as the book, Caussin admitted to being nervous about the book because it’s “the most personal thing we’ve done.”
And Kramer added that she was nervous at being a “fraud,” i.e. touting all of these tactics for having a strong marriage while still not being in a perfect marriage. But she realized after talking with a friend that her marriage doesn’t have to be perfect in order for her to help other couples.
“These are still just things that we learned. We never said that we’re perfect at them … what if we fail? That scares me. I don’t want to be a hypocrite … it’s a lot of pressure to be that vulnerable and then what if we don’t work?” Kramer admitted.
Dancing With the Stars will hopefully return with season 30 in 2021. ABC has not yet officially announced a renewal and premiere date.