33 Weirdest Sex Toys on Amazon

Get ready for the weirdest sex toys you can find on Amazon. I’m not here to kink-shame anyone–just think of this as a museum of kinks you didn’t know existed and (I have to assume) a couple of manufacturing mistakes because: yikes.

Price: $ – $
33 Listed Items

What to do if you saw a weird sex toy on here that you liked.

Don't panic! There's nothing wrong with that. Instead, be excited you've come upon an opportunity to explore something you didn't know you might want to explore. Suprise kinks crop up sometimes and can lead to some fun, satisfying evenings. As long as you're being safe, sane, and consensual, there's no harm in giving it a try. 

These toys exist for a reason. There's a market for each and every one of them and that's fine.

How to not kink shame.

Okay, it's really easy. Repeat after me: Your kink is not my kink but your kink is okay.

That is the general rule. There are people who are into sex stuff that you may find weird, strange, or even repulsive. There are probably folks who are turned off by the stuff you like. And that's okay. We don't have to all be the same. That would be boring.

For example, I have a phobia of balloons. (It's a little odd but true.) At the same time, I know there are full communities of people who have a balloon fetish. That sounds like a nightmare to me, but I also think it's pretty neat that as humans we have such a range of interactions with simple objects like a balloon. Their kink is not my kink but their kink is okay.

Being a little kinky is actually really normal.

Study after study has shown that what used to be thought of as rare and deviant sexual behavior has turned out to be pretty typical. The Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon has blown that wide open--just don't use that as a blueprint for your own kinky life because there is a mile-long list of problems in the books and movies. 

The Smithsonian rounded up several studies that all show that not only are people kinkier than we thought, but Americans are significantly kinkier than the world overall. According to a 2005 survey, 36 percent of Americans were actively into kink practices compared to the worldwide average of 20 percent. 

There's this idea that people who are into freaky stuff in the bedroom must be mentally disturbed. That's completely not the case. A 2006 article published in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality studied a group of people from the kink community and found the proportion of mental health issues (including depression, anxiety, and personality disorders) was comparable to what the DSM estimates as the general average. 

Kinky folks are normal, average folks.

A note on gender.

For the purposes of clarity, I have used the medical-textbook terms for our anatomy in the above. Please substitute whatever language you use for your sexy parts. Sex toys aren't gendered.

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