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‘How to Build a Sex Room’ of Your Own

If you haven’t seen How to Build a Sex Roomon Netflix, go do that now. It’s an utter delight. Famed designer Melanie Rose helps people explore and expand the boundaries of their sexuality to create space in their home that fosters intimacy. An adult playroom.

Every episode, client, and room is unique because the ways we connect and are intimate with each other is entirely individual. The room can be anything from kinky leather to an inviting luxury honeymoon suite. Whatever turns you on. It’s all about pleasure and connection.

You can build your own sex room without going through an interior designer. I would love for Melanie Rose to come to my house immediately, but we don’t all have that option.

As a sex-positive writer and kink advocate watching the show, there were a lot of products and sex furniture that I recognized or own so I’ve gathered a collection of products similar to those featured on the show to help you curate your own room. I also threw in some options that might be more approachable if you don’t have a contractor on hand to fully renovate your house.

See below for more tips on creating your own space dedicated to the No-Pants-Dance and how to talk to your partner about it.

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Who Has a Sex Room?

As you might have seen from the show--people of all walks of life can have a dedicated play room. Straight, queer, married, unmarried, unpartnered, long-distance, polyamorous, monogamous, city, country, alternative, and suburban. Kinky or vanilla. 

If you want to foster intimacy, you can benefit from a devoted space.

What Should I Put in My Sex Room?

It all completely depends on how you like to get down. When you watched the show, what items appealed to you? What about your partner? Answer the questions she asks her clients.

One thing Melanie Rose really nails and that I was so, so happy to see on the show, is frank discussions about sex. She looks like a proper grandma but has buttplugs in her purse and is not afraid to tell everyone how awesome they are. I love it. Because it's not shameful, it's not dirty, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. 

If I could tell all couples one thing it's that communication is the key to better sex. Talk about it. Be honest about your desires and wants.

Do you like the idea of being tied up? Don't stress about it. because you're far from alone. According to a survey featured in Smithsonian Magazine, 36% of Americans have used bondage tools. That's a higher percentage than any other country. 

Are you strictly vanilla? That's fine too. Whips and chains not required. What you need to figure out how to make your space more supportive of your love life. 

What If I Have Kids?

Sure, there are rooms on the show that are far from kid-friendly but not all of them. If you don't have a special hidden doorway to your locked pleasure dungeon, that doesn't mean you can't have fun. 

You've got two options. 

You could focus on more subtle options like opulent fabrics, different textures, luxe decorations, and soft lighting. You're going for romance here.

But if you're kinky like me, that isn't going to cut it. Go with kink furniture that is easy to hide. There are plenty of options that fold down that can be stored under your bed or in your closet.

Inflatable sex furniture is another way to go. They make all sorts of great bondage and kink set ups that inflate for times when the kids are away and deflate for storage. EdenFantasys even makes a remote-controlled blow-up sex machine.

What If I Don't Have an Extra Room Sitting Around or Space for a Tantric Chair?

If you haven't seen the last episode (spoiler!) it's of a couple who live out of a van. You have room. In an earlier episode, the chosen room is the couple's everyday bedroom.

It doesn't need be a room that's only for getting down. It just needs to be a space where you would like to get busy.

The important thing is to find decor that puts you in the mood and encourages you to want to reach out to your partner. Maybe that's a spa feel or a strip club vibe. 

How Do I Talk to My Partner About This?

Be frank and straightforward. Don't beat around the bush if you can. (So you can avoid asking her if she's properly "irrigated." I swear to God, my jaw dropped to the floor when I watched that part of the show.")

Be honest. Most partners will be happy that you want to invest in making your love life and physical connection even stronger. You want them to have more pleasure in their life. Ask them what they want or fantasize about and be open to their answers.  

Ask them to watch the show with you as a way to sell that it's not dirty and to open up the lines of conversation. That ought to do it.

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