Horror Remake Watch: The Lair Of The White Worm

It really doesn’t matter what you think of all these horror remakes, ’cause they’re here to stay, and there will be more – many, many more. Here’s the latest “re-imagined” scarefest from the Hollywood nightmare machine.

The Lair Of The White Worm

Who, you wonder, could ever match the sheer excess and grand tastelessness that is Ken Russell’s most underappreciated creation, The Lair of the White Worm? It would take quite the madman to even consider a possible retelling of the obscure Bram Stoker tale, turned into an orgiastic symphony of beyond-surreal imagery (much of it “blasphemous,” if you’re into that) and slapstick shenanigans of almost Benny Hill proportions. All of the Ken Russell elements are here – overlaid optical effects featuring crucifixions, snakes, funhouse mirror images ad nauseam – you know, the stuff he did before in Tommy and Altered States, except this time with a befuddled Hugh Grant and Amanda Donohoe as an impossibly sexy snake-lady priestess who’s fond of strap-on dildoes.

So. What madman, indeed? Why, Werner Herzog, of course! The man who is most definitely clinically insane, he who recently brought back the mad-dog Nicolas Cage we know and love in The Bad Lieutenant – Port of Call: New Orleans. Herzog! Herzog will be the one to bring us a new vision of the D’Ampton Worm and the various freaks and weirdoes that gather to witness its rebirth therein.

Lair Of The White Worm

And who will play Lord James D’Ampton, previously played by the roguishly charming Hugh Grant? Who will play the young and innocent Mary Trent, ripe for seduction and corruption, previously played by Sammi Davis? And, of course, who in the hell will play Lady Sylvia Marsh, the high priestess that sleeps in a wicker basket and can be snake-charmed with bagpipes, previously played by Amanda Donohoe?

Time will tell. But our vote is for Nicolas Cage. To play every single part, including the Worm itself, which is actually the pagan snake god, Dionin. He’s more than qualified for such an endeavor. Just look:

Lair of the White Worm trailer:

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