A horror legend returns to the silver screen this week, but is the Nightmare On Elm Street re-make going to haunt the dreams of today’s teenagers? Also: Brendan Fraser is still alive and making movies! Michael Caine is still kicking ass! And… the human centipede! Let’s get to the last theatrical rundown of April tout suite!
Nightmare On Elm Street – It’s undisputable among horror films that the first Nightmare was the absolute best – full of fountains of gore, terrifying shocks and a fantastic premise, it established Freddy Krueger as oneof the scariest dudes of the 1980s. Twenty-six years after Wes Craven unleashed the original on the world, Jackie Earl Haley steps into the big shoes as Freddy. I’m curious to see what gets updated and what gets kept from the original. Look for a review today. Watch the trailer.
Furry Vengeance – I have no idea where this PG comedy came from, but I can’t figure out who the target audience is. Do people really want to sit in a theater and watch Brendan Fraser wrestle a raccoon for ninety minutes? I mean, besides weird Internet perverts? Fraser plays a real estate developer who moves to Oregon to spearhead a project that is opposed by an army of organized woodland creatures. Pluses: the very funny Ken Jeong is in it as his boss. Minuses: everything else. Watch the trailer.
The Human Centipede – The most demented horror-satire-I don’t know what of recent years, this low-budget oddity tells the tale of a mad scientist who kidnaps people and stitches them together to make… wait for it… a human centipede. The film’s promotional materials claim that it’s “100% medically accurate,” which is amazing. Apparently the director is trying to put funding together for a sequel about a 12-man centipede that does tricks. You need to watch the trailer.
Harry Brown – The endlessly entertaining Michael Caine stars as a pensioner vigilante who sets out to clean up his housing estate in this sharp-looking action thriller. With echoes of Death Wish and Gran Torino, I’m just psyched to watch Caine whip the snot out of teenage punks. Am I old that that sounds awesome to me? Watch the trailer. And why not win a Harry Brown prize pack while you’re at it?
Please Give – Arthouse pick of the week, Nicole Holofcener’s cutting dissection of middle-class guilt in the 21st century has a great cast and will probably make you feel kind of lousy about yourself for all the wrong reasons. But at least there aren’t any human centipedes in it.