Saw 3D Movie Review: It’s a Trap!

The Golden Age

As a child growing up in the 80s, it never occurred to me that I was witnessing a Golden Age of Monster Movies. The Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Halloween franchises were all producing sequels at a clip that basically promised that you were going to get a film from one of them once a year. Sure, none of them were award winners. The critics hated them and even while watching them you would sometimes feel like it was time to pull the plug around the seventh film in the series. All that being said, I never really understood how blessed we were until I realized today that the closest thing kids have today to a monster of their own is the pale bald dude in this horrible movie, Saw 3D.

The Plot Continues

Author Bobby Dagen (Sean Patrick Flanery) has just released a new book, passing himself off as a Jigsaw survivor. Now his wife is being held hostage and he has one hour to work his way through your Saw approved maze of horrors to save her life or she dies. Also, the blood feud between Jigsaw’s widow Jill (Betsy Russell) and Jigsaw’s protege Detective Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) continues.

Let’s face it, no one standing in line this weekend to buy a ticket to this is worried about the story or if there are too many plot holes. You watch Saw 3D for two things: the kills and, duh, the 3D. Trapwise, there’s really nothing new here. After the needle pits and freakin’ reverse bear traps of the past, where do you go from there? Mini penile barracuda? As far as the 3D, Piranha 3D and My Bloody Valentine beat Saw to the punch and they all prove that no one in horror has really thought of a new way to use the technology, basically doing the same things they were doing back in the 80s on the production of Friday the 13th 3D.  Look out, they’re poking that knife at the screen!

Final Chapter?

This is supposed to be the final Saw. It won’t be. Oh, I know they are saying it is, but they were saying the same things about the last Resident Evil right up until the Monday after it won the weekend’s box office and then the director was on Twitter asking for ideas for the next sequel. I know I can’t talk you out of going to see it if you have your mind set on it, but if you haven’t seen Paranormal Activity 2 yet, it’s 1000 times better than this, I promise you. It’s also in 3D, if you feel the need to pay five dollars extra to the ticket lady for some reason.

Watch the Saw 3D Movie Trailer

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