Go, Granny, Go!
A little old lady from Germany is headed to jail for making repeated drug runs from Holland to her native nation, smuggling upwards of 2,000 pounds of sticky bud over five years.
The 76-year-old claims the smuggling gig started by “accident,” reports The Local:
Her car had broken down near Venlo and two men stopped and helped her get up and running – before asking whether she would take some washing powder containers over into Germany. Initially the men reimbursed her for fuel, but once the drug runs had become regular, they paid her up to €700 per trip.
Oopsie! Did I just smuggle a sh*t-ton of weed internationally? Tee-hee. Would you like some cookies?
Her lawyer argued on two fronts: One, she was intimidated by the druglords and scared to discontinue the drug-running. Plausible. Ish.
The second argument, however, is just precious, sonny: The drug-running kept her active in her old age. The lawyer actually said this to the judge. Yes, it was like her version of mall walking. Or Bingo night. Keep those hips limber by loading the ol’ station wagon up with the chronic and stomping on the gas pedal.
This is a granny after our heart. Please don’t send her to jail, cruel Germans. Sentence her to knit cop sweaters or something.