North Korean Government Reports Discovery of Unicorn Lair

Unicorn Sign, North Korea, Kim Jong Un.

The Today show depicts the sign outside the lair in a North Korean mountain that identifies the lair. It simply reads: “Unicorn Lair.”

The Korean Central News Agency, whose motto may or may not be “All the news that’s fit to make up,” has issued a communique stating that the a unicorn lair has been found — home of the unicorn that was ridden by King Tongmyong .

Archeologists from the Academy of Social Sciences in Pyongyang have “reconfirmed” that existence and legitimacy of the lair.

The report states:

A rectangular rock carved with words “Unicorn Lair” stands in front of the lair. The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392).”

Also quoted in the report is Jo Hui Song, director of the Institute, who says:

“The Sogyong (Pyongyang) chapter of the old book ‘Koryo History’ (geographical book), said: Ulmil Pavilion is on the top of Mt. Kumsu, with Yongmyong Temple, one of Pyongyang’s eight scenic spots, beneath it. The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn.

“The old book ‘Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam’ (Revised Handbook of Korean Geography) complied in the 16th century wrote that there is a lair west of Pubyok Pavilion in Mt. Kumsu.

“The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom.”

What exactly do the powers that be in North Korean stand to gain from claiming the existence of a fantastical (and useless) creature? This Today Show report claims that the regime is seeking to amplify the supernatural powers of Kim Jong Un.

Last week the young leader was referred to as the sexiest man in the world by Chinese newspaper that fell for an Onion report, so the unicorns aren’t the only thing getting horny in the oppressed totalitarian state.