Bill Maher says 2020 Democrats need a coach, and he thinks he is the man for the job. At the end of this week’s episode of Bill Maher’s weekly HBO show Real Time with Bill Maher, the late night talk show host made his case to be the left’s 2020 “coach,” and offered some advice to Democrats who are running for the nomination.
“Losing to Trump should have jolted them into a higher state of seriousness, but it did not,” Maher said referring to the mountain of 2020 Democratic candidates. “23 candidates? That’s not a primary, that’s an Avenger’s movie.”
Maher warns Democrats that they haven’t learned from past mistakes like, “petty in-fighting” and “purity tests.”
“They’ve all got their eye on the Pizza Hut at the end of the game, but no one is playing well enough to earn it,” Maher said. “I say it’s time we Moneyball this thing. Democrats need a coach.”
Maher points out his campaign of convincing Democrats such as Adam Schiff to go on Fox News, and “get in the bubble.” The HBO host goes on to lay out his five-rule plan.
Rule 1: ‘Go Where The Votes Are’
“You’ve already got NPR. Go on Fox!,” Maher said. “And you can’t let Trump completely own the low road. If he’s going to call people’s names he should get it back.”
Maher then refers to The New York Times story where journalists uncovered that Trump lost more than $1 billion dollars in business losses between the years 1985 and 1994.
“Elizabeth Warren, start calling him ‘Broke-ahontas,'” the segment showed Maher saying in a cut-away to an episode weeks prior.
Rule 2: ‘No More Candidates!’
“Rule number two is, is as far as the 2020 election goes; the sign-up period is over,” Maher said referring to the 23 Democrats running in next year’s race. “No more candidates! We’re full!”
Rule 3: ‘Stand Up To Twitter’
“Catering to one contrived outrage after the other makes us look weak,” Maher said sporting a light blue baseball cap with the Democratic symbol of a donkey on the front.
Maher then pleads with Democrats to “stop apologizing for everything.”
“I know more about what Democratic candidates have apologized for than I know their stance on the issues,” Maher said.
Rule 4: Message Discipline
Outside of saying Republicans are so good at winning because they have teamwork and they cheat, Maher praised the right for the way they market themselves and their messages.
“Why can’t Democrats do what Republicans do. All get in a room and get a talking point?,” Maher asked in another cut-away to an earlier episode this year.
“And call it the Trump Tax,” Maher said referring to Trump’s tariffs. “I want all you motherf*ckers running for president to be saying ‘Trump Tax! Trump Tax!’ all of you!”
Rule 5: ‘No Stunts!’
Maher rounds out his diatribe by knocking down any stunts Democrats have and will do, slamming the acts of Beto O’Rourke live streaming his haircut and Steve Cohen bringing KFC into the session of Congress to remind people “that Bill Barr was too chicken” to show up and testify.